One Wish

Imagine if you could be granted one wish. Would there be no hesitation in your mind about what you'd wish for? Before you answer that question, ask yourself why you feel you want what it is you believe you want. It might have suited you some time ago, but does it suit you now? That's the question coming events pose. It's time to consider if what you want is something you want more out of habit than actual desire and this will help you identify and attain what you truly need.

Tyler Knott Gregson Makes Me Swoon

I want this. I want that. I want photos of us. I want to be proud of us out loud. I want to kiss you. I want to smile and laugh. I want to make you giggle and I want to make you sigh and I want to take your breath away and I want to dance with you at people’s weddings and I want to pick you up and carry you when your feet are tired and I want to wait until you are Almost asleep and then kiss your nose and make you laugh so hard with some secret joke that your belly hurts and you smack me for waking you all the way up so we have to get out of bed and sit and watch the city lights while eating a bowl of cereal at 1:38 am. I want to smell you fresh from a shower and paint your toenails and take you to baseball games and teach you hidden things that are going on that most people don’t know. I want us. I want the smell of pancakes when it’s me that cooks them and the sun hasn’t yet woken.  I want the smell of dinner when it’s us that burned it because we fell to the floor and made love instead.  I want the handprints on car windows, steamed up from the inside.  I want long baths followed by short showers and the scent of your shampoo staining my hands for the entire day to follow.  I want ears that hear the words I spill instead of eyes that read them.  I want notebooks black with ink from all the details I noticed from all the times I sat and marveled at the way you spin through an hour.

4.19 Daily Haiku on Love

“@TylerKnott: 

"All I really want 

is to roll over to you 

and tell you my dreams." 

- Daily Haiku on Love

47 in 34: Reader Questions

Today's question is from Darin in Riverside CA - If you could have been anything in the world you wanted to be, other than a human being, what would it be ?

Oh, that's a good one, Darin. I've thought about it and, keeping in mind that I can be anything other than human, I made a list. Ready? Here we go:

• all the good parts of a weekend music festival
• the mannequin in Coco Chanel's room because it got to wear all of her fabulous fashions
• the Crown Jewels because others marvel at, covet and are made happy by seeing them - whether on display or as adornment
• a Philip Treacy fascinator (http://www.shefinds.com/files/2011/05/Princess-Beatrices-Hat-598x396.jpg)
• some fantastic place which makes someone feel happy and safe and loved and free and filled with joy; a place no one wants to leave

What would YOU want to be? Sound off in the comments section.

47 in 36: Size Matters (repost)

Originally posted in 2007.

By the time I turned 16, I was 6'2" tall. I told everyone I was 5'11" because a) it was tall, but not freakishly tall and b) I didn't know of any woman who was over 6' tall.

Along with being tall came the issue of shoes. *sigh* I'm a 12. Yeah, I know. My Mom & Grams used to tell me "If your feet were any smaller, you'd fall over." At the time, I'd have gladly fallen over. Over and over! All through junior high and 9th grade, I wore white Nike tennis shoes with a blue or red swoosh. That's all I could find! Payless Shoes was non-existent. So, I suffered in tennis shoes. By the end of 9th grade, I had discovered catalogs. Fairly decent shoes in my size. Through these catalogs, I discovered the espadrille. The gorgeous canvas shoe with the slight heel wrapped in rope. Oh, how I longed for a pair of espadrilles! Sadly, espadrilles were only offered up to a size 10.

The summer of 1982 found my family in Baltimore for vacation. We had decided to do our back-to-school shopping there - no doubt we'd find 'cool' stuff not available in our hometown. While browsing the mall windows, I happened upon a shoe store with espadrilles. The very same espadrilles I'd been drooling over for months in catalogs were now right in front of my face, begging to be touched. I walked in.

"Taupe espadrilles in size 10 please."

The box suddenly appeared, containing my beloved espadrilles. "I'm sorry, we only have white in size 10." No matter! Canvas. Easily cleanable.

I carefully opened the box, peeling back the packing paper which covered my espadrilles. Sparkling white, perfectly wrapped rope around the heel, the smell of canvas. Ahhh! Afraid to touch them, but anxious to put them on, I pulled the shoes out of the box. I couldn't get the stockings on my feet fast enough.

Breathe.

Gulp.

I shoved...uh, I mean...gingerly slipped my foot into the espadrille. It fits! It fits! This must be how Cinderella felt. Filled with such elation, I put on the other shoe. It fits! It fits! I stood up. Ok...this is good. I walked a couple of steps. Ok...this is good too. I turned and walked back. I could not stop staring at the espadrilles. The shoes I wanted were actually on my feet!

Now, while this is going on, my Mom and sister are clucking: they don't fit, they're too small, your toes are scrunched at the top, etc. Uhh...hellooo! My feet. I'm fine. My espadrilles. Oh, happy day! I have espadrilles, I have espadrilles!

Fast-forward to the first or second week of school. I am decked out in my new outfit, complete with white espadrilles and I look good. I made it through 1st and 2nd periods with no problem (solely due to the fact that the classes were across the hall from one another and very close to my locker). 3rd period? That didn't go as well. Ihobbled...uh, I mean...had to walk to the middle of the campus. Luckily, I was in the office, so sitting offered sweet relief. The rest of the day was all downhill from there. 

By the time school was over, I was cursing my espadrilles. I couldn't walk, I was in such pain. I literally shuffled home. Like a geisha.

Hell yeah, I wore those espadrilles again!

47 in 37: Kids

A friend/co-worker stopped me this morning, asking how my countdown to 47 is going. As much as I'm getting to be okay with 47, I feel Teenage Rissa is coming 'round, too.

All of the things I expected to have and all of the things I expected to be by now, hurt a little less when I say them out loud. I've written these things down several times. But, rarely have I said them out loud to others. And that sat with me all of the day.

Look, I know I don't want kids. I'm good with kids and I love kids. I just know kids are not for me. Over the past several years, I've told myself it's because the kid-having window is closing. I still had time, if I wanted time. I could still flow freely in and out of that window. Yet, I've known in my heart of hearts having kids is not for me. I held onto the thought for so long because I felt marginalized by those who have kids. "You don't know love until you have a child of your own!" Hey, thanks. THAT doesn't hurt. Nodding and saying "Some day...one day..." is much easier to say and easier to handle. Now, it's much easier to admit the truth. OK, I lied. It's becoming much easier to admit the truth. Out loud. To others.

:sigh: Realizations are heavy, man. In your head, they are one thing. They are a completely different beast when you've said them and they're out there.

I had a whole lot more written...I'm just not ready to share all of it. This is too much - even for me.

So, tell me - what good/funny/loving thing did your kid(s) do today?

47 in 38: Guilty Pleasures (III of III)

Name six pleasures you once considered guilty but have now either abandoned or made peace with:

1. Eating ice cream. Anytime.
2. Reading gossip blogs. Have you read Lainey Gossip?! Oh. Em. Gee. The girl nails it. Every. Time.
3. Going to English Beat shows. 
4. Sleeping away some of my weekends.
5. The time I spend on Twitter and Instagram.
6. Reading good ol' trashy novels. I do love me some Jackie Collins and Nora Roberts.

47 in 39: Guilty Pleasures (II of III)

Name six guilty pleasures you wish you had the courage to indulge:

1. Audition for a theater play. 

2. Submitting one of my essays to a magazine

3. Doing stand-up or a spoken word gig

4. Buying a pair of made-for-me designer shoes

5. A housekeeper 

6. A small nose piercing or small, secret tattoo

Do you have any guilty pleasures you wish you could indulge?

47 in 40: Guilty Pleasures (I of III)

Name six guilty pleasures no one would suspect you of having:

1. I love watching Thomas the Train & Friends on Sunday morning. I usually wake up early to watch then go back to sleep.
2. I have over 30 The Brady Bunch and Saved by the Bell episodes on my DVR. I watch them when nothing else on TV appeals to me.
3. When I visit my parents, nine times out of ten, my mom and I watch one of my pageant videos.
4. I love socks! Crazy, colorful, fuzzy, funky knee socks.
5. I keep crayons and a coloring book in my nightstand.
6. I smoke clove cigarettes once in a while. 

What are some of your guilty pleasures?

47 in 41

I have to do this 40 more times?!