Wednesday, March 07, 2012
DIY Hair Color
Wednesday, February 29, 2012
It's Leap Blog Day!
Today is Leap Blog Day ~ hooray! I have invited the very funny and very lovely Kelly from Southern Fried Children to leap from her blog to mine. So, after you read her guest post, click on over and give her blog some love. And, without further ado, please welcome Kelly!
*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
(Thank you, Rissa – for allowing me to guest on your blog. One of my favorite things about you is your passion for music. So I knew I had to write something musical for you. I took it old school!)
There became a pattern to my afternoons: Off the school bus, rush down the block, stop abruptly at the end of the driveway, tear open the mailbox. Stare dejectedly. It hadn’t come.
Days went by and if I asked my mother once I asked her a thousand times, “When do you think it will be here?”
I had seen the advertisement during Saturday morning cartoons. I was already in a musical mood, rocking out to Josie & the Pussycats, and when the commercial came on, the sound stopped me dead in my tracks.
Donna Summer.
If ever a white bread, seven year old Southern kid could will herself into the super glam, mega-afro’d, stunning Queen of Disco, it was me. Only twenty years and unfortunate genetics separated who I was on the outside, and who I longed to be on the inside.
I ran all the way to the kitchen, repeating the number.
800-555-7878
800-555-7878
Digging through the junk drawer, looking for a pencil. There’s never a pencil in here! And finally, scribbling the number on an envelope with the tiny stub of a purple crayon.
800-555-7878
“Mom! Please can I order it? Please? I saved money from my birthday and I’ll do extra chores and wash your car! Anything you want! Please?”
My mother was not a fan of disco. She had been, at one time, until my father made her trade in her Bee Gee albums and platforms for George Jones and a giant belt buckle. The final straw had been an incident involving a too-tight feathered headband and momentary loss of consciousness. Still, she acquiesced.
I don’t know that I have ever before or ever since anticipated something as much as the arrival of that 12 x 12 inch cardboard sleeve full of vinyl magic.
Finally, it arrived.
It was a Saturday morning when the mailman came to the door and I heard the words – “C.O.D.” I ran to my room and carefully opened my jewelry box and extracted the $12.99 plus shipping and handling, and ran back to the door. I handed over the cash, sweaty from my palms, and took delivery of the package.
It was the first piece of mail I’d ever received with just my name on it.
It was the first album I had ever purchased with my own money.

I don’t know how long I stared at the cover. I would revisit it time and again, wondering – what did it mean? Looking at those static bodies, all big boobs and leisure suits, knowing that if I stared long enough, they’d start moving. How can you look like that and not move your body? How can you listen to something by a band called ‘Natural Juices’ and not want to shake it?
I pulled the album from the sleeve and blew gently across the surface. I was careful to hold it only on the sides, like my dad had shown me. Onto the record player, the switch flipped, and it began to spin. Slowly, carefully, tentatively, with a wildly beating heart and shaking hands, I lowered the needle.
FRIDAY! Ba da da dum, da dum! – thank God it’s FRIDAY!
It was amazing, it was perfect, it was disco.
Tuesday, November 29, 2011
NaBloPoMo 11.29 - Is Your Toilet Running?
Sunday, November 13, 2011
NaBloPoMo 11.13 - Melissa McCarthy and her Spanx!
Monday, November 07, 2011
NaBloPoMo 11.7 - Do You Hear What I Hear?
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
NaBloPoMo 7.28 - the clown to the left of me...
"You're tall" he says.
"Yeah, I know." I go back to singing the chorus of the encore. He bumped me a couple more times.
"No. I mean you're really, really tall."
"Yep. I really, really know that, too." He taps my shoulder several times, like a kid who tries to get an adult's attention. Still singing, eyes on stage, I lean down once more.
"Will you put me in your back pocket and carry me around?" I look at the strangely hopeful expression on his face and remain silent.
I hope that wasn't his 'A' game.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
Uh...
Also in the store, being helped by the same sales girl, is a teenaged girl and her mother. We follow each other around store: me picking up a top she puts down, she picking up shorts I put down. She ends up with an armful of clothes in a dressing room across from me.
The shorts didn't really work for me. No big deal. Ready to walk out, the sales girl comes back with one more pair. I step out to look at myself in the 3-way mirror. It's quiet...the sales girl and I have the same look - that scrunched-up nose thing...when the mother of the teenage girl says "Do you think those shorts are appropriate for a woman your age?" I turn and say "These shorts are appropriate for a woman with my legs."
In the dressing room, I was all "Some nerve!" By the time I made it to my car, I just figured she'd heard what I was saying to the sales girl in the store and wanted to chime in...or be helpful...or something. Whatever.
I didn't buy those shorts either.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Creative Writing In-Class Assignment 02.11.10 - the Academy
02.11.10 - We were asked to write using this prompt: I'd like to thank the Academy...
I...woo!...this...I...it...woo!...you...
I...this...I...
But YOU, Hollywood...woo! You embraced my style! And my movies with no ending have become the biggest franchise since Harry Potter! After my "It Was a Good Day" script was publicly trashed by the media, I had the guts to write with no ending! And I've revolutionized movies! My movies put butts in theater seats! And money in your pockets!
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Observations from the Deck. Observations from the Line.
Observations from the Deck:
~ when given the option, most girls go for fashion over comfort (me included)
~ 20something girls are really young ("I LOVE YOU JOHNNY! I LOVE YOU GAVIN!")
~ open bar and open cruise ship food is a good thing~ perhaps 'open bar' shouldn't be so open to some people (the 2 ladies in front of us and the whole row of girls behind us for example)
~ Gavin Rossdale really is hot!
~ goody bags are aptly named
~ cruise ships need better decorators
~ when there are several singers on a bill, limiting each to 2 songs is brilliant
Saturday night/Sunday morning ~ Prince ~ Club Nokia @ the Nokia Plaza downtown Los Angeles
Observations from the line:
~ when given the option, most girls go for fashion over comfort (me included)
~ the Religion of No Mirrors has a larger following than I suspected! I'd hate to think friends let friends go out of the house without commenting on outfits...
~ curiosity gets the best of people - if there's a line, everyone wants to know what the line is for
~ one raspberry beret
~ a lot of purple
~ there really is someone for everyone!
~ some people will do anything to not wait in line!
~ $40, if propositioned to the right guy, will get you a place in line
~ waiting 3 hours in line + starting the show an hour late is worth it if Chaka Khan shows up to sing 'Sweet Thing' with Prince on guitar
:)
Thursday, January 29, 2009
Mom. Gotta love her.
My neighbor is so cool! Y'know what she did?
No. What?
Well, she knows I've been crazed the last couple of weeks with the layoffs and stress and work and worrying and all that. So, tonight, she brought me a six-pack of beer and a roll of Nestle Toll House cookie dough with a spoon wrapped in ribbon! Isn't that cool?
You drink beer?
Yeah, I drink beer. The spoon is tied to the cookie dough with curling ribb...
I didn't know you drink beer.
I do. I'm 21, y'know.
I have never seen you drink beer. I'm going to bed. Good night.
Note to self: drink more beer when around Mom.
Monday, January 05, 2009
the Name Game
Write about your name...
My mom is an opera singer. She has the most beautiful soprano voice...her favorite singer is Risë Stevens. Now, Rise Stevens spells her name R-I-S-E with an accent mark over the E. Apparently, my mom found that to be much too pretentious, so she changed the spelling to HER liking ~ R-I-S-S-A.
I never game my name much thought, really...until I got a new bike in the 5th grade. Susan Gilbert got a new bike. Mary Roberts got a new bike. Sara Palmer got a new bike. Kevin, Brian & Jimmy Hill, Lisa & Ricky Jones, Larry & Tammy Castleman all got new bikes. They all got new bikes with blue & yellow license plates bearing their names! Yep. Every last one of them had their names on a license plate. When I asked my parents for a license plate with *my* name, Mom had to gently explain there wasn't one. I was having NONE of it. She had to be lying. Somewhere there had to be a shiny blue & yellow license plate with my name on it. There just *had* to be! That became my quest, my obsession - find a mug, a magnet, a something with my name on it!
For my birthday that year, Mom gave me personalize pencils ordered from the Lillian Vernon catalog. And thus began my Mom's 'signature' gift - personalized [fill-in the blank] ~ towels, bathrobes, blankets, gym bags, coffee cups, luggage, sweatshirts, back packs, car mats, car seat covers, door mats, wine carafes, wine glasses, wine. Good grief! I've got my name on everything now!
Tuesday, November 25, 2008
how much aluminum foil does it take to wrap a plus-size chick?
Listen up, Shoppers/Buyers for stores: Big girls have a tough enough time finding clothes that cover our arms or give us a (illusion of) waist or that look somewhat trendy. We do not need aluminum foil masquerading as a shiny party dress.AND this
Friday, November 07, 2008
Here Cabby Cabby!
I needed a cab to get to the Franklin Institute museum. OK, fine. I walk outside, feeling all stupid and nervous, and just stand in front of the hotel. Cars, cabs, buses pass me by. A couple of businessmen walk out of Ruby Tuesdays, into the street, raise hands and - voila! - cab stops, takes 'em away.
Well, that seems easy enough. I look up Chestnut Street and see no cabs. Tons of cabs are racing down 17th Street! But none pass me by. Crap! So, I stand there.
Down Chestnut, a car is double-parked, causing traffic to back up. A cab stops right in front of me - oh what luck! We make eye contact. I lamely raise my hand. He nods. It all seemed so seedy.
After my museum visit, I had to catch a cab all over again. Good grief! I didn't know what to do. I stood on 20th and Ben Franklin Parkway for 25 minutes trying to get a damn cab! I texted a friend "How the hell do I get a cab?!" The reply? "LOL. I don't know." Aww crap. At this point, I decided I should just walk. I crossed the street, started walking to Parkway. I turned around for one last look and there he was. A cab! I yelled "Taxi!" He waved me over and we were on our merry way. Yay!
This hailing a cab stuff is a piece o'cake.
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
well I may be the Mayor of Simpleton...
That Girl has been texting me for two weeks about this myspace application called 'YoVille' ~ "Girl, you should join, it's so much fun! You get an avatar and an apartment to decorate!"
So, of course, I check it out.
And, she ain't lying!
Check out YoVille, people. Design your avatar, go into town, meet people at the Coffee Shop, buy stuff at YoDepot to decorate your apartment, eat at Vinny's Diner to increase your energy and speed (how quickly you move through town), go to work at the Widget Factory, challenge others in town to quick games of Rock/Paper/Scissors or Tic Tac Toe (if you win, you get coins). It's pretty cool to explore and wander around the town ~ I was in the coffee shop yesterday and broke out into the Robot dance! w00t w00t
Yes, it's a tremendous time-waster.
Yes, I'm a tremendous Simpleton.
Who cares ~ it's fun! Thanks ThatGirl!
Saturday, September 20, 2008
Like The Slackmistress. But without Acne.
Vons in Burbank/Toluca Lake is my favorite grocery store, not only because it's very close to Work, but I used to see Bob Hope there all the time. If he could take the Road to Vons, hell - so could I. Thursday night in the produce section, looking for tomatoes, a guy is staring at me.
Uh...do you go to a lot of English Beat shows? Define "a lot" - gimme a number.
Uh...I do indeed. Thirteen shows so far this year. That's a lot, isn't it?
I saw you at the Canyon Club at the front of the stage. And I saw you at the Malibu Inn at the front of the stage. Do you ever get up on the stage?
No! I don't. Hi, I'm Rissa.
Mark and I chatted for a bit about ska, UB40 at the Canyon Club (tonight!), the guys in the band and 80s music. Then, he was on his way ~ See you Saturday night!
It was an English Beat-themed week as I learned two ladies at work had personal encounters of their own in the 80s with the "white guy" in the band. Neither one believed I was a fan of their music and a friend of the band. "Ohhh, a groupie." That term makes me laugh.
Anyway, check out The Slackmistress. She's much more interesting!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
drum roll please...
I know! Brilliant :)
So the guys don't forget they are losing to a girl!
Tom Brady, QB, NE
Braylon Edwards, WR, CLE
Willis McGahee, RB, BAL
Kellen Winslow, TE, CLE
Julius Jones, RB, SEA
Nate Burleson, WR, SEA
LenDale White, RB, TEN
Green Bay Packers D
Ricky Williams, RB, MIA
Bernard Berrian, WR, MIN
Darrell Jackson, WR, DEN
Nate Kaeding, K, SD
Ahmad Bradshaw, RB, NYG
Saturday, August 09, 2008
running on empty
I should really write things down.
Thursday morning I made a mental note to get gas at lunch or after work. Lunchtime was out - we went to Burrito Express. After work was the plan. Until Chickens IM'd - hey, let's go to Original Thai. OK!
Off to Original Thai, chat chat, eat eat, bye bye, hug hug. In the car, on auto-pilot, I drove home.
CRAP!
Fine. Mental note: get gas in the morning.
Fine.
Woke up late, rushing off to work. I didn't get gas.
Fine.
After work was the plan. Again. Until @illuminato emailed - hey let's do the new brew pub in Hollywood. OK!
Leave work. On Barham when I see
So much for prayer. In that situation at least. Friday night + Hollywood Bowl traffic + plus normal Barham traffic = Rissa running out of gas.
Pulled over into the parking lot of a liquor store. And waited for AAA. 37 minutes later, with half-tank of gas, I cruised into Hollywood to join my TwitterFriends for an impromptu TweetUp at a cool new brew pub.
Today, I am getting two things today - gas and post-it notes for my car.
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
Do you see what I see?
Off the 134 in Burbank sit two relatively new buildings called Pinnacle I and Pinnacle II. Pinnacle I houses Warner Music Group (Rhino, Atlantic, etc); they take full advantage of the building to promote its artists.
My friend Bo works across the freeway from Pinnacle I, her window offering her huge views of the latest CD by the artist du jour. A few months ago, it was Madonna and her 'Hard Candy' release. Poor Bo ~ she had a view of Madonna's crotch. Right there out her window.
After seeing the photo below and reading these comments, I don't feel so sorry for Bo anymore...

Tuesday, June 24, 2008
NaBloPoMo ~ Home XXIV
I scheduled an appointment to have 'We Clean America' clean my apartment this morning. They were due between 7:00 a.m.-8:00 a.m. Finally jumping out of bed at 6:30, I was convinced I had 30 minutes to shower, shampoo and shine. I was completely finished by 7:02 a.m. - not bad! At 8 o'clock, I get a call: "Hi, we're about ten minutes away." Of course you are! Ugh.
Now, most people I know who use a cleaning lady/person/crew typically clean the house before the housekeeper shows up. I don't get that. If she's coming to clean my house, she's coming to clean. my. house.
Crew C6 showed up, ready to go. I gave them specific instructions (clean windows, leave radio on, leave A/C on, leave fans on, keep dressing room and bathroom doors open, front door closed) then left for work.
I get home, take a look around: windows clean, window sills not clean; A/C off, fans off, radio off (switched to a Spanish-language station, I might add); doors closed. *sigh* I'm on the phone with The Princess, telling about the cleaning crew, walking through the apartment opening doors, turning on fans, etc. I sit on the bed, listening and surveying. I gasp. "Ohmygawdohmygawdohmygawd!" I say it over and over. The Princess is thisclose to driving over. Then I start laughing. Laughing hysterically: hahahahahahahahasnorthahahahahaha *inhale* hahahahahahahahahahahahasnorthaha. "What? WHAT?! Are you okay??" I tell her...
"I keep five things on my nightstand: 2 remotes - TV and stereo, my eyeglasses case, the digital alarm clock and a lamp. The remotes are on the dresser, next to the stereo. The eyeglasses case, clock and lamp are here; but something looks weird. I'm staring at it...staring at it...staring at it...and realize I'm looking at my Winnie the Pooh vibrator on top of the nightstand!" I thought The Princess was going to hyperventilate from laughing so hard. "You can never use them to clean your place again. And you have to boil Winnie then let him soak in alcohol overnight."
Mom was right - I really shouldn't leave my toys laying around the house.
hahahahahahahahasnorthahahahahahaha
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
**Update**...Transformers...
Turns out Waiter Guy is a misnomer; should be Waiter Boy as he isn't 21. Yet.
He invited the Princess over to smoke out with him and his roommates. And suggested her contribution to the 'party' be beer.
I love me a good story!