Wednesday, April 09, 2008

NaBloPoMo ~ Shawty got low low low low low low low low

Dear Bathroom Designers, Shower Installers and Toilet Manufacturers:

You are the reason I have such bad knees. You have also contributed to some mild back pain. I'm guessing it's some sort of joke or conspiracy theory. Oooh! Maybe it's retaliation. Perhaps jealousy. I'm not sure. I do know it's widespread - it's everywhere I go: Hawaii, Philadelphia, cruise ships, local hotels, Las Vegas (it's rampant in Vegas), work, the gym at work, my parents' home, my own apartment! It's the gum on my shoe. It's my very own bad penny.

What is 'it' you ask? IT is low toilets and shower heads. That's what IT is!

Why are shower heads and toilets so low? Tellmetellmetellmetellmetellme! I need to know.

I need a chiropractor and a massage after I've taken a shower at the gym. I have to do squats to wash my arm pits; deep knee bends to wash my face and hair. From now on, I'm gonna do cardio then head straight for the showers to get my workout.

In case you were wondering, I have the cleanest boobs of any woman I know. Oh, my middle back and shoulder blades are clean, too.

If you refuse to raise the shower heads to a decent height, at least install shower heads that move, adjust up and/or down. I'd love to have a clean chin and neck. Just sayin.

Now, let's talk toilets. I've dug holes in the ground that are higher than some of these toilets! Standard toilet height should be raised to equal that of most handicap-stall toilets. And, while you're at it, talk to your friends and give us ladies more room in the stalls!

So, please - I implore you to do the right thing. Save my knees! Save my twisted back!

Thank you for your time.

1 comment:

Lys said...

I'm cryin' over here. Oh hot damn you are on a roll.

Room in the stall?? Puleaze - the designers don't care. They think everyone is a stick and that gals don't need room to move. My vote is to have a few female architects take a crack and modernizing ladies room design. While they are at it, perhaps they can add extra stalls (with doors that LOCK) to bars/clubs/restaurants. Oy vey!