11.6 ~ Election Day

I did! Hope you did, too.

11.4 ~ Disconnected

No wifi in the house. No knowledge of hacking into someone else's connection. Sorry - this is all you get today.

I'll make it up to you.

11.3 ~ Retreat

My home wifi connection keeps getting interrupted (thanks AT&T) so I better type this out quickly.

I caught a tweet late last night - "I think I need to look into a retreat for myself..." I replied that I'd been passively looking at a get-away/retreat.

Work has been very stressful. I really need to get away and reset myself. I looked at spa weekends and mountain cabins and weekend beach houses. Although gorgeous and seemingly perfect, nothing about one of those options compelled me to do anything more than look. Then I remembered I'd bookmarked  Deer Park monastery in Southern California. Something about it really connected with me ~ the serenity, the silence, something very beautiful about it.

The gal I was tweeting with sent a link to a beautiful retreat in Sedona AZ. Sedona is absolutely stunning and known for its spa and golf resorts. What I read about this place connected with me as well as the monastery. I was actually more intrigued and interested in this SpiritQuest retreat. The focus is on healing and wellness, helping people get back to right. As I clicked around the site, this place grew on me and I decided this is exactly what I need! Then, I saw pricing. Whoa! It'll cost a pretty penny. A LOT of pretty pennies. I quickly discarded the retreat thoughts.

Then, I thought ~ WTH?! WHY am I discarding the retreat idea - money? I'm going to London in five weeks, spending just as much, if not more, as a week at SpiritQuest. Why am I balking at that idea? Why do I think it's not okay to spend that much money on myself? I guess vacations=good, healing=not so good. Lame. I KNOW it'll be worth it. I know *I* am worth it. Perhaps I will treat myself to a retreat in the spring.

How much would you spend on a week-long healing and wellness retreat?

11.2 ~ The Suite Life

Today's writing prompt, courtesy of BlogHer: If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

Psh. That's easy.

I would live in a hotel. Seriously. I could say I'd live in Hawaii or on a vineyard Napa Valley or in one of those cute huts with a glass floor that sits on the end of a long pier over clear blue water in Fiji - all of which would be incredibly lovely. I would still choose a hotel.

I love hotels! C'mon ~ welcomed warmly upon my arrival, a cute boy holds the door and helps me with my bags/luggage/stuff, there's a bar, there's a restaurant, there's a king-size bed. I like all of these things! I'd live in a modern and beautiful hotel, of course ~ overstuffed chairs in the lobby, flat-screen TVs, gorgeous fresh flowers in huge vases, black and white photos and abstract art work on the walls, free wifi, private cabanas with bar service around the rooftop pool. Ahh, ain't this the life?

If I'm being honest, what I love most about hotel living is no responsibility. Need something? Make a phone call - BOOM! - it comes to you. Dirty dishes? Leave 'em outside the room - BOOM! - gone. Someone to clean up after me. Make my bed, leaving extra pillows. Tidy up where I've left a messy trail.

Whoa! Wait a minute. This almost sounds like I want to live at home with my parents. Uh, no thanks. Don't get me wrong - I love my parents! It's funny how when I show up my mom all of a sudden needs something/anything/everything off the top shelves or out of the highest cupboards. At 6'2", I am my 5'5" mom's living step-stool :)

So, I'll take the suite life, thankyouverymuch!

If you could live anywhere, where would it be?

11.1 ~ OK, Call It a Comeback

Oh, hi! Come on in. So nice to see you again. How've you been? I'm so glad you stopped by.

Pardon the dust and spiderwebs - remnants of yesterday's Halloween celebration.

Liar, liar! Pants on fire.

Okay, fine. So, I haven't been here in a while. I know, I know! But, Life happened. And work. And summer. And concerts. And then fall showed up. And then I had to see Argo. And then I started a writing project. And I had to plan a trip to London. And then NaBloPoMo came 'round. And now it's November!

After such a long time, it's weird and awkward to just pop in here with an "Oh hi!" as if I'd been here all along.

I guess it's a comeback.

::drop the mic::

NaBloPoMo 11.30 - The End

I made it! Woo hoooo!

I made it through National Blog Posting Month - and I posted every day! Yay me.

What have I learned?

• there are some awesome bloggers out there
• there are some awesome blogs to be read out there
• there are a lot of 'mommy bloggers'
• there are really truly good people in this world - and I know some of 'em
• I need to get into a writing groove, a regular routine of 15-20 min a day of free writing
• my blog is so random!

Well, that was fun :) Thanks BlogHer and NaBloPoMo!

NaBloPoMo 11.28 - Are We There Yet?

Two more days...two more days!

NaBloPoMo 11.26 - Salton Sea

NaBloPoMo 11.25 - Favorite quote

"Go confidently in the direction of your dreams! Live the life you've imagined." ~ Thoreau

NaBloPoMo 11.24 - Thanksgiving Toast

Thanksgiving Toast...

for those who hurt me I thank you for the lessons you taught me about friendship, loss and love. I thank you for the lessons I've yet to learn, in particular the ones about strength, forgiveness and the lessons that move me forward.

for those who I have hurt I'm sorry for intentional and unintentional hurts. I know my actions came from a weak place...my hope is strength and love have taken root in that space.

for those who helped me I thank you for love and support and guidance. Thank you to my mentoring communities. An abundance of thanks to my friends for listening, hearing, knowing, accepting and helping me through Life's rough patches.

for those who I have helped I thank you for the opportunity to participate in your life. I'm happy to have helped - knowingly or not.

Who haven't I thanked enough in my life? My parents, without a doubt. My siblings. Myself.

Many thanks to those of you who choose to or happened to read this blog. I appreciate you taking time to do so. Also, thank you if you've felt compelled to comment.

I wish you & yours a wonderful day filled with love and joy and blessings and good food!

NaBloPoMo 11.23 - Joy

"Don't postpone joy until you have learned all of your lessons.

Joy is your lesson."

Alan Cohen

NaBloPoMo 11.22 - Crush

One of the NaBloPoMo prompts said to make a list of everyone you've had a crush on (!) then choose one and describe him in great detail. I made a mental list, because an actual writing-it-down list would take a lot of time.

I recall elementary school crushes on Eric Pyle and Tony Caruso. Eric was a tall, lanky blonde kid who broke my heart in the 4th grade on Valentine's Day when he knocked Valentines for my class out of my hand and they scattered across the playground in the wind. Tony was the captain of my 3rd grade class kickball team. All of the girls at Mt. View had a crush on him. Later that year, the city did a re-zoning of schools in the district. Tony was one of the kids being sent to Adams Elementary School the next year. I was sad, for sure. But, I was also jealous because it was the only 2-story school in town. I wanted to go there for that reason alone! Tony and I ended up at the same junior high, graduated from the same high school and remain friends in our middle age. In fact, a few years ago, we randomly ran into each other while in Hawaii. We had drinks one night after his conference and played catch-up on our lives as well as our classmates.

Eight grade had me crushing on a redhead named Dean. Boy oh boy did I have it bad for that kid! I was awkward, introverted and almost 6 feet tall. The 2 of us reconnected a few years ago on Myspace (I know, right?!) but have since lost contact. Now, I know where my affinity for the gingers came from :)

High school had me crushing something fierce on John Lyons, one of the most popular guys ever to walk across a campus. He was a football star and handsome and popular and dated all the cute little cheerleaders. By this time, I was 6'2" - hardly cute and hardly little.

The summer after high school graduation, I discovered a show called Dancin' On Air. The teen dance show was taped in Philadelphia and broadcast on KDOC Channel 56, a small Southern California station. My friend Kathy and I watched the show while working on philosophy homework. One song played caught my ear - O'Chi Brown Whenever You Need Somebody. One guy in white pants and a red shirt caught my eye. I became a huge fan of the show - and its subsequent cable spin-off Dance Party USA. I watched and recorded shows and, like a silly fan girl with a huge crush, wrote letters to that guy, Eddie O'Neil. Eventually, Eddie and I would meet; and my crush turned into a like. After 26 years, Ed and I remain in each others lives as very good friends.

Today, I'm crushing on a ridiculously smart man. I'm talking smart! He's clever and witty and intelligent and completely charming. And, he's British. Good grief, am I a smitten kitten! We'll see where this thing goes...but, I gotta tell ya, having a crush at the age of 44 is so much better than it was when I was 18 or 16 or 13 or 8...I can actually SAY something to him and know, if the crush is unrequited, life will not end!

Please enjoy a few 'crush' videos :)

NaBloPoMo 11.21 - Dreamin'

Ever since high school, I have tended to have recurring dreams. Back then, it was my wedding and everything was visible, vividly - flowers, decorations, people, clothes, all the details. Then, when my veil was lifted, the groom's face was blank. Weird.

In college, the dreams were more like visitations from a friend who was murdered a couple of years after high school. The last time Craig appeared to me, was the first time he spoke. It was creepy and comforting. I started keeping a journal after that.

My current recurring dream involves another faceless man. Each time, I am laying on a sofa, legs up on the arm of it. I'm wearing sweats (Weird because I don't wear sweats. At all.), reading a book, my head is in the lap of the faceless man and he's lovingly stroking my hair. It's not my home, yet it's comfortable and I'm comfortable in it. There's music and food and sunshine and some unease. Bizarre.

This morning, "Dreamin'" by Cliff Richard shuffled onto my iPod. These lyrics caught my attention:

I'm dreamin'
Dreamin' of me and you.
I'm dreamin'
Dreamin' will see me through.
Never letting chances pass me by
I'm gonna dream you right into my life.

Is that what I'm doing? Am I dreaming him right into my life? Hmm...I hope he's not wearing a green satin jumpsuit...

NaBloPoMo 11.20 - Mentoring Impact

I've been a mentor with Youth Mentoring Connection for nine years. The kids in this program have accomplished great things, big and bigger. It has been a tremendous blessing seeing these young people grow and thrive.

Throughout the years, a few kids have truly cut right into and set-up residence in my heart. I'm not speaking of my own mentees, but others who have busy mentors or kids in other programs. Hoolie calls me a sucker and I suppose she's right.

My second year in the program, I met a young boy at A Place Called Home. He was just hanging around while we had Family Night. He sat outside the room, watching us, looking sad and hopeful - if that's possible. I brought him a soda and talked for a bit. When he left, I had to find out, had to make sure he was in a mentoring program or he would be included in one. Otherwise, I was going to become his mentor.

Saturday, we had a Giving Thanks group mentoring session. A girl I haven't seen for several weeks appeared in the room. Cee is adorable and shy. My recollection of our encounters was clear - she did a minimal amount of talking. I tapped her on the shoulder, said Hi and how I was happy to see her.

In one of our mentors-only session, Cee's mentor expressed concern that she wasn't mentoring 'right' because Cee wasn't talking much. I told the mentor to keep doing what she's doing - calling, emailing, talking, showing up. All of those things make a difference and Cee notices. I shared the story of my 2nd mentee, who wanted nothing to do with me. She didn't talk to me, she talked about me in a stage whisper. She complained to other kids who assured her I was cool. The two of us didn't have a true conversation until January - and the program started in September! So, I assured this mentor that she will make a breakthrough, just keep doing it.

Our Giving Thanks session opened with an ice-breaker. Each person tore toilet paper from a roll then joined the circle. For each square of toilet tissue, you had to say something nice about the person to your right. I was to the right of Cee. Her mentor wasn't at the session. Some of the nice things were superficial - you have nice shoes, I like your shirt, those boots are cool. And some of the things were truly thoughtful - you're a good mentor, you teach me things, you're a good friend. These were really sweet to hear, especially from the young people. When it came to Cee's turn, she listed a combination of sweet and superficially things. Her last comment, though, really got me - I like how you always show up. ::cue the tears::

During lunch, I asked Cee how her mentor was doing. "I don't know. I haven't talked with her in long time." I left that alone but made a note to talk with the program coordinators. While we ate, we also worked on Thanksgiving-themed worksheets. The 7 of us - all girls - were, predictably, chatty and giggly. I noticed Cee didn't need any encouragement or prodding whatsoever. She was just as chatty as the rest of us. Cee talked about Justin Bieber and explained the Team Jacob/Team Edward rivalry to me; she told me about her family and shared a story of an elementary school teacher who wasn't very nice to her. "I would always say hi and smile and she wouldn't even say hi or smile back to me. That wasn't very nice." I assured Cee that she was the better person by continuing to say hi and smile. She could have been mean back to the teacher, but she decided to be nice. She beamed. My heart was just so full at that moment.

After the session, I shared Cee's comments about her mentor with Hoolie. It's not that hard to call or contact your mentee. It's part of the commitment to being a mentor! We get busy, for sure. But, 5 minutes...on a lunch break..."Hey, I'm on a break - hope you have a good week. Just wanted to say hello." Or something. Some effort. Knowing me, Hoolie said "You are such a sucker. And I love you for it." She assured me she would contact Cee's mentor and work things out. I accepted that. But told Hoolie she could give Cee my info if she wanted to.

I drove my mentee and her sister home. As we hugged good-bye, I thanked her for being a good friend by letting Cee join our group. She said *I* was the good friend for including her - "You didn't even ask if she wanted to be with us, you just did it."

My impact in mentoring has never been so evident to me as it was in those two hours on Saturday.

NaBloPoMo 11.19 - Brows

I've been slightly obsessed with my eyebrows since I was 15 years old. That was when the girl behind the Sav-On ice cream counter told me if I tweezed my brows, people would think I was 21. THAT'S all it would take?!

My mom tweezed her eyebrows in the family room by the light of a huge lamp. She'd have her stand-up mirror set on the arm of the recliner and pluck away during family TV time. Pluck pluck wipe. Pluck pluck wipe. Mom would stop, examine her brows, then resume until she had the desired result.

One day, while home alone, I snuck Mom's tweezers, settled into the recliner, set up her stand-up mirror and started plucking. YEOW! Tears sprang to my eyes. I couldn't possibly be doing this right! Mom didn't scream when she tweezed. I did it again. YEOW!! Tears spilled over. Forget it. I put everything back.

Since then, I've done everything to keep my brows tame - tweezing, waxing, Nair. I read Seventeen and Glamour and every other magazine that had eyebrow tips to shape and maintain. I even went so far as to ask a co-worker to give a tutorial on how she kept her brows looking so fantastic. I bought all the tools - slant-tip tweezers by TweezerMan, small scissors, brow wax, brow pencils, brow powders, brow gels - all to get and keep my brows looking good. The only thing I hadn't tried? Threading.

Last weekend, I happened upon a threading studio. An alternative to waxing, threading is an East Indian method of removing hair. The day's special was eyebrow shaping and threading for $11. Done.

It was a clean, bright and sleek salon. Anita, the threader, was young and very soft-spoken. I asked her if threading hurt. I did not hear what she said, but she shook her head. OK. I leaned back and smiled as my mentee stood over me, enthralled. Anita is moving along, threading nicely. A pinch here, a pinch there. Nothing too bad; definitely less of a sting than waxing. I start to say "This isn't so..." but a YEOW! escapes instead. The salon owner comes rushing over "Are you okay? What's wrong?" I told her that pain was unexpected. "Oh, the longer the hair, the more it hurts." Well, I asked Anita if it hurt and she shook her head. "Oh, well, it doesn't hurt her." Good grief.

Anita did a great job. My brows looked fantastic when I walked out of the salon. And, they still look great - even my hair stylist noticed this morning when she was washing my hair! Now there's a compliment :)

Think I'll stick with the threading for my brows. Would love to find a place closer to me instead of trekking down to Long Beach. Any recommendations for threading places in the Valley?

NaBloPoMo 11.18 - Rant: Carpool Lane

I fell into the middle of a conversation between two co-workers about riding in the carpool lane. She was raving about how great it is to speed along the 134 in the morning and at night - "Everyone else is stopped and I cruise right on by!" I asked if she carpools with her husband or with people from work. "No! It's me and the kids!" I shook my head. My other co-worker asked why I was shaking my head. I told him I think carpool lanes should be for 2 or more licensed drivers. "Carpool lanes are for two or more people! Me plus my kids. Yay!" I was a driving school instructor for four years, I'm well aware of the law. I just disagree with it.

The carpool lanes are designed to lessen traffic. If Soccer Mom zooms by with a van-full of kids, how does that help alleviate LA's gridlock? The kids are not licensed drivers. My co-worker says sometimes she sends the nanny to pick-up the kids, so that helps. Huh? How does that help - you just put another driver on the road. There was no real debate, just me stating my position and my co-working chanting "Well, the law says 2 or more...the law says 2 or more..." So, I fell out of the conversation just as quickly as I fell into it since my mindset wasn't too popular.

What are you thoughts about the carpool lane? Should pregnant women be allowed to use the carpool lane?

NaBloPoMo 11.17 - Remembering Riley

It was late in the day when I realized it had been two years since I'd lost my Riley. The following two weeks were so tough for me. Hell, it was tough for months. There were several days I couldn't bear to go up to my empty apartment so I slept down in the carport in my car. When Riley's ashes were delivered, I sat on the floor, stroking the velvet box, crying.

Slowly, I got used to him being gone. I knew his face wouldn't be in the window as I walked up the stairs, but I looked anyway. I stopped checking the cat food aisle for his favorite 'treatsies' or new toys. Tossing out his cat bed was so difficult; it was so final. Every once in a while, I expect him to jump on the bed and curl up in the crook of my knee. I miss that a lot. I miss him a lot.

Every single day I consider getting another cat. Every single day I tell myself "Not yet." My sister had found a little chihuahua up for adoption and called me immediately. She text me pics of the adorable little guy. I had to say no, it was too soon. Will I ever get another kitty? I don't know.

Now, I'm smiling...thinking of the fun and laughs and silliness. One day, Riley got his head stuck in a plastic grocery bag and couldn't get out of it. He looked like a superhero running around the apartment with this 'cape' trailing behind. My friend Z shared a great story - she had 'Kitty Camp' while I was on vacation. She said Riley and her 2 cats, Cheebs & Petey, had daily steeplechase races around her house ~ over chairs, around tables, under beds and sofas. They would stop, briefly, each looking at the other...then they'd be off again! Z said that was some of the most fun she had watching those characters. She had no idea where the energy came from nor how they could sustain it. Good times with good friends :)

Riley, little guy...Mama misses you.

NaBloPoMo 11.16 - 25 Ways to Wear a Scarf in 4.5 Minutes

This is absolutely fabulous! I've already noted my favorites (the Bunny Ear, Double Rainbow, the Braid, the Magic Knot) and plan to try them out this fall/winter season.

BTW ~ I want that McQueen skull scarf!

Which ones strike your scarf fancy?

NaBloPoMo 11.15 - Mentoring 11/12

Saturday's 1-on-1 mentoring session was fun! Neither one of us can make a decision to save our lives, so we sat in my car for several minutes, giggling. With no lightbulbs going off, I asked her to show me where she goes to school. As we drove through the parking lot, she gave me the run-down of her day - where her classes are, how far those classrooms are from her locker, how having Zero Period PE is great because you put your gym clothes over your street clothes and you get to toss a ball against the wall ("That's what you do for PE?!" "Yeah! Sometimes I walk." Good grief!). She likes the school and is bummed she missed her first dance.

Waiting for the light to turn, I asked if there was a mall around or a Chuck E. Cheese or something. She tells me there's a place called Power Station that has games and videos and stuff. Sounds cool as she describes a game akin to the Claw thing but it uses a key and the prizes are iPods, iPhones and iPads! Sweet! Then, she says they have Skee Ball. Aww yeah! I am in! Skee Ball is my absolute favorite, I tell her. I'd spend all my quarters on it. She laughed - 'they don't use quarters'. Pfft! Whatever they use, all of 'em are being used on Skee Ball. Until I saw Dance Dance Revolution. Holla! I love me some DDR. I suck at it, but I still love it.

We spent some time playing Skee Ball, DDR, Deal or No Deal and a couple of games that give you tickets for spinning wheels. We collected over 1,200 points (11,000 shy of the Easy Bake Oven I really wanted. And, in her infinite wisdom, she asks me "Don't you have a real oven in your house?" Pfft. Not. The. Point.). I'm pretty sure we spent more time hemming and hawing over the prizes than we did playing the games to get the points. We got Friendship Bracelets, birthstone rings, pencils and more Tootsie Rolls than I've ever collected trick or treating. What a great time.

Then, we headed to the food court for lunch. Now, let me rewind to a couple of weeks ago...we're in a group session, playing Pictionary and eating pizza. She answers her sister's question with "No, I'm fat." My head whipped around so fast! I was stunned. She's thin as a rail and those words coming from her were so surprising. And, it made me sad. When I dropped her off at home, I told her we are going to talk about her statement. I really wasn't sure how to handle that. I'm not her mom. I'm her friend. Her friend that has her own body image struggles. The only thing I could do would be to start a conversation, a dialogue and hope my message gets across.

So, back to lunch at Panda Express in the food court. I asked if she remembered her comment and my reaction - "Yeah, you were MAD!" I told her the comment made me mad. I couldn't believe she thought she was fat. I was honest - the comment made me mad because she boiled everything she is down to one thing - being fat. I told her she is so much more than that! She's smart and a good friend and a good sister and she's helpful and friendly. I gave her examples of each trait I listed. I told her of my own issues with body image. She told me I was beautiful and nice and she liked that I showed up for mentoring. That was the sweetest moment ever. I stressed how the comment made me angry, not her. She said she understood; and I truly hope she does.

We'll have a group session on Saturday and I'll follow-up with her. I'm so glad we were able to talk about body image and what we think of ourselves. And each other.

NaBloPoMo 11.14 - 3 Wishes

1 ~ I wish for discipline.

Setting aside time to write is not easy. And I don't even have kids! I need to be able to sit and write without feeling guilty. Once I do sit down to write, my thoughts scamper to all things undone - laundry, house clearing, dishes, whatever. You should really get that done first, then write. What if I don't feel like doing the dishes? I typically won't do 'em; but I won't write either. I'm weird. I know. And, geez, let's not even talk about Something Shiny Syndrome. Those little things that distract me ~ Twitter, G+, Words with Friends, BlogHer, etc. What if I'm missing something? What if John Taylor tweets he's broken down in the Valley and needs a lift? What if the 37th retweet wins an awesome meet n greet with Nikki Sixx or Kurt Sutter or Donna Brazile or Matthew Perry or even Matthew Lewis?! I could miss it!

2 ~ I wish to be open.

Open to love, specifically. I believe myself to be. Somehow, though, I'm wrong. And, that's distressing enough as it is.

3 ~ I wish to believe.

Believe in myself. I am confident, but I don't believe in myself much. I recently found myself in a group which included one of my most favorite people on the planet. This person is intuitive and forthright and brilliant and funny and an immense pleasure to be around. As talk turned to politics and such, I walked away from the discussion because I didn't think I was smart enough to understand the conversation. I denied myself the joy of people and lively debate because I did not believe myself to be able to contribute to a conversation. How sad for me.