Since entering my 40s, this is the first year I have not experienced depression or anxiety or regret or had 'what-if' thoughts about my life and my future. Might seem inconsequential to you, but for me this is huge. Honestly, it's a satisfying feeling to recognize this shift. Yay me!
I'm finally looking at what I have instead of what I lack. I have trips to take! I have a list of 'things to do' that need to be moved to the 'done' column! I have concerts to see!! I have friends to meet, friends to make! I have a freaking triathlon to do! I have life to live!
Maybe I won't wake up on my birthday in Hawaii bemoaning what I have/don't have, what I've done/haven't done. But, I will wake up on my birthday, counting my blessings! (and gray hair and wrinkles - that outta keep me busy!)
Showing posts with label 40. Show all posts
Showing posts with label 40. Show all posts
Thursday, April 18, 2013
Saturday, October 11, 2008
Mean Girls ~ they're not just for high school anymore
90% of the time, I consider myself a confident person. I stand up for myself, defend my opinions, put myself out there to meet new people and am the first to laugh at myself. Last night, however, I was thrust back to high school and those insecure and inferior feelings washed over me.
Dinner with friends - easy enough. Making the last-minute decision to run home to change clothes would make me late. Not "L.A. time" late, but late nonetheless. Faded jeans, grey sweater over white tank top and black chunky heel loafer shoes - nothing fancy, casual, perfectly fine for drinks and dinner. Or so I thought.
I arrive, greet the girls. Looking fabulous, I admire key pieces ~ Great bag! The patent shoes are tres chic! Those boots are reason enough to have The Surgery!
You didn't have to get so dressed up for us. Looking me up and down.
These are my best faded jeans, I said with a laugh. And I remembered to match my shoes to my bag.
It's no wonder you don't date, Reese. You don't take your appearance seriously. Blink.
Clinton and Stacy wouldn't ambush me on Ventura Boulevard.
They would certainly stop and think twice.
The 'Bash Reese' portion of the show continued for 20 minutes ~ my appearance, my dating record, why I'm not going to the gym, why I stopped wearing contact lenses, my body language. I felt smaller and smaller with every word. I don't know where my confidence was hiding...smaller and smaller, sadder and sadder, feeling more and more like my 15 year old self than the actual 41.
And, tears fell. Not rushing, blubbering, splatter my glasses crying. The welling, the filling and a couple falling.
And, you always wear heels. I don't get that. Men are intimidated by tall women. You know that - you hardly date tall men.
I couldn't retort. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to laugh it all off. I really did! But the words just hit...the sting, the venom, the hurt. I didn't get it, didn't understand where it came from. Didn't understand why I was having dinner with the Mean Girls. And I was completely baffled why I was so affected. I'd had such a great day! The 15 year old self was so beat down by it all...but 41 showed up just in time to save her.
I stood, said thank you, grabbed my faux Marc Jacobs and left. I shook and cried out the door, down the street, in the car and all the way home.
This morning, I have two voicemails, several text messages and a raging headache.
The thing that sticks with me is how easily I was affected.
Dinner with friends - easy enough. Making the last-minute decision to run home to change clothes would make me late. Not "L.A. time" late, but late nonetheless. Faded jeans, grey sweater over white tank top and black chunky heel loafer shoes - nothing fancy, casual, perfectly fine for drinks and dinner. Or so I thought.
I arrive, greet the girls. Looking fabulous, I admire key pieces ~ Great bag! The patent shoes are tres chic! Those boots are reason enough to have The Surgery!
You didn't have to get so dressed up for us. Looking me up and down.
These are my best faded jeans, I said with a laugh. And I remembered to match my shoes to my bag.
It's no wonder you don't date, Reese. You don't take your appearance seriously. Blink.
Clinton and Stacy wouldn't ambush me on Ventura Boulevard.
They would certainly stop and think twice.
The 'Bash Reese' portion of the show continued for 20 minutes ~ my appearance, my dating record, why I'm not going to the gym, why I stopped wearing contact lenses, my body language. I felt smaller and smaller with every word. I don't know where my confidence was hiding...smaller and smaller, sadder and sadder, feeling more and more like my 15 year old self than the actual 41.
And, tears fell. Not rushing, blubbering, splatter my glasses crying. The welling, the filling and a couple falling.
And, you always wear heels. I don't get that. Men are intimidated by tall women. You know that - you hardly date tall men.
I couldn't retort. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to laugh it all off. I really did! But the words just hit...the sting, the venom, the hurt. I didn't get it, didn't understand where it came from. Didn't understand why I was having dinner with the Mean Girls. And I was completely baffled why I was so affected. I'd had such a great day! The 15 year old self was so beat down by it all...but 41 showed up just in time to save her.
I stood, said thank you, grabbed my faux Marc Jacobs and left. I shook and cried out the door, down the street, in the car and all the way home.
This morning, I have two voicemails, several text messages and a raging headache.
The thing that sticks with me is how easily I was affected.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
emotions in motion
Excited
'American Idol' is back! Woo hoooo! Last night was the beginning of Season 7. I usually watch the first couple of night as I can only handle so much bad singing, posturing and insults. But once they move to the L.A. rounds - watch out! I'm on it.
Excited, nervous, creative, challenged, fulfilled. accomplished
A month or so before I turned 40, I wrote a list of things I'd like to do - a resolution-type list, if you will. One of the items is 'find a creative writing class.' I checked out community colleges in the area but the classes offered are during the day - nocando. Last week, I applied for a private creative writing course (only 8-10 students). This week, I found out I was accepted! I am soooo excited about it. And I'm totally nervous. No doubt I'm up for the challenge. I think my pre-conceived notions of writing creatively has me panicked...
Bummed, pissed
The Writers Guild (WGA) will not issue a waiver for the Grammys. What does this mean? Very likely, no Grammys. Very likely, no Rissa at the Grammys. What a drag! It's the 50th anniversary, too. :::sniffle:::
Unsure, yet excited
LOST is coming back! Finally! It seems as though this show has been on 'break' for years. I'm sorta on the fence about getting myself involved again only because I know the show has been cut to 8 episodes. This will, once again, leave all of us hanging with tons of unanswered questions. I have to find out who Jack needs to rescue back on the island and who was in the casket with no one at the funeral and who Kate ended up with and WTF happened to Michael & Walt. Ah, yes - it's all coming back to me now.
Shameless, enthralled, disappointed
I love reality TV! Especially the ones about finding love (The Bachelor, Average Joe, et al). No shame in that game whatsoever! Last season, I got hooked on both 'Scott Baio is 45 and Single' and 'Bret Michaels' Rock of Love.' I mean hooked. The shows are so fascinating to me! This season, Scott Baio is 46 and pregnant. Watching him freak out in the first 10 minutes of the show was brilliant. He's so over-the-top and ridiculous, I believe he's acting. But whatever. It's a train wreck and I can't stop watching! Another reason for me to watch? My friend, Bill, is the guy teaching the Parenting for Dads class! :) OK. Rock of Love. The most awesome train wreck on TV ever! Last season, Bret chose Jes. It didn't happen for them (she essentially dumped him on the reunion show). So, he's back. And the girls are ridiculous! Seriously. I've never seen so much fake boobage, bad eyebrows, over-injected lips and horrible clothing in one place at one time. It's phenomenal! This is gonna be the best train wreck ever! :)
'American Idol' is back! Woo hoooo! Last night was the beginning of Season 7. I usually watch the first couple of night as I can only handle so much bad singing, posturing and insults. But once they move to the L.A. rounds - watch out! I'm on it.
Excited, nervous, creative, challenged, fulfilled. accomplished
A month or so before I turned 40, I wrote a list of things I'd like to do - a resolution-type list, if you will. One of the items is 'find a creative writing class.' I checked out community colleges in the area but the classes offered are during the day - nocando. Last week, I applied for a private creative writing course (only 8-10 students). This week, I found out I was accepted! I am soooo excited about it. And I'm totally nervous. No doubt I'm up for the challenge. I think my pre-conceived notions of writing creatively has me panicked...
Bummed, pissed
The Writers Guild (WGA) will not issue a waiver for the Grammys. What does this mean? Very likely, no Grammys. Very likely, no Rissa at the Grammys. What a drag! It's the 50th anniversary, too. :::sniffle:::
Unsure, yet excited
LOST is coming back! Finally! It seems as though this show has been on 'break' for years. I'm sorta on the fence about getting myself involved again only because I know the show has been cut to 8 episodes. This will, once again, leave all of us hanging with tons of unanswered questions. I have to find out who Jack needs to rescue back on the island and who was in the casket with no one at the funeral and who Kate ended up with and WTF happened to Michael & Walt. Ah, yes - it's all coming back to me now.
Shameless, enthralled, disappointed
I love reality TV! Especially the ones about finding love (The Bachelor, Average Joe, et al). No shame in that game whatsoever! Last season, I got hooked on both 'Scott Baio is 45 and Single' and 'Bret Michaels' Rock of Love.' I mean hooked. The shows are so fascinating to me! This season, Scott Baio is 46 and pregnant. Watching him freak out in the first 10 minutes of the show was brilliant. He's so over-the-top and ridiculous, I believe he's acting. But whatever. It's a train wreck and I can't stop watching! Another reason for me to watch? My friend, Bill, is the guy teaching the Parenting for Dads class! :) OK. Rock of Love. The most awesome train wreck on TV ever! Last season, Bret chose Jes. It didn't happen for them (she essentially dumped him on the reunion show). So, he's back. And the girls are ridiculous! Seriously. I've never seen so much fake boobage, bad eyebrows, over-injected lips and horrible clothing in one place at one time. It's phenomenal! This is gonna be the best train wreck ever! :)
Tuesday, May 08, 2007
Hawaiian Fire ~ 05/03/07
Wednesday night I was all a-flutter. Thursday was my surf lesson with the firemen and the news announced a storm moving in. Now, a typical Hawaiian storm ain't so bad. Y'know, it rains for 15 minutes, then *POOF* - all gone. But the words "wind" and "high surf" really were not the words I wanted to hear before surfing.
Thursday arrived. I took a peek out to the ocean from the room and boy, was the surf rollin'! White caps indicating rough-ish water. Although there were tons of surfers out there, as a novice, I was still a-flutter. Oh well, what's a girl to do? Go find firemen, of course.
I had to meet the pick-up van at 7:10 a.m. at the Sheraton/Royal Hawaiian on Don Ho Lane - a 3-minute walk from the Outrigger. I couldn't sit still...pacing...fretting...pacing...almost to the point of panic, until I saw the huge HAWAIIAN FIRE logo drive by. EEEK! I was really excited to see a van?! Jimmy the Driver made a couple of stops, filling the van with 12 anxious would-be surfers (3 Japanese students, 2 girls from Canada, a local, a family of 5 from Nebraska and me). We were a bit chatty, moreso along the lines of 'courtesy' chat, really. Then Jimmy the Driver kicked in with background info, where we were going, sights along the way.
30 minutes later, we arrived at this gorgeous beach. As we drove in, someone commented "Oh, you can camp here?" Jimmy the Driver laughed, "It's a camp alright." A lot of homeless people had set-up 'camp' on the beach. Anyway, the beach is on property which was formerly a military base. De-activated in 1999, Hawaiian Fire has found it to be the best place to teach surfing. The beach was set with two tents, lots of beach chairs and a bunch of surfboards. The wind was really blowing and the surf looked huge and intimidating. The water was a gorgeous blue and I was happy just taking that all in.
We were given shoes & rash protectors (a long-sleeved top) to put on, then sent to a tent for instruction. Enter Instructor Duke. Uhh...hi! He gave us some background info on HF, the gear we had on, the beach (the whole military story) and the weather ("Perfect surf weather! The waves are great!). Then, another guy came over. He told us how to position ourselves on the board, how & where are feet should be, how to paddle, that the paddling out was the hardest part, how to push up & get through a wave that breaks in front of you, and then how to pop-up when it's time to ride. Lemme tell ya, it looked soooo easy when he was showing us! He gave us the instructions: paddle out to a surfer, when he tells you to paddle, do it, he'll push you, you paddle 3-4 more strokes, then jump up and surf! Uhh...okay. So, we moved to the surfboards. Instructor Kevin (uh...hi!) had us position ourselves and show him how we pop-up onto the boards. I did pretty well. On dry land. Then we were set free, into the ocean.
One by one, Instructor Ryan (uhh...hi!) set us on our boards and pushed us off to the instructors out there 100 yards and waiting. Ryan said the surf was only 2-3 footers, perfect for beginners. I started paddling out. Damn, that's tiring! I got through the breakers crashing in my face and made it out to Kevin. Wait. Wait. "Ready, Reese? Paddle now! Paddle now!" I did! I jumped to my feet! I fell. OK. I got an hour and 20 minutes of this - I'll stand. So, paddle...paddle...cough, cough. Back out to Kevin. He gave me encouragment and advice ~ "Just pop-up to your feet!" Umm...yeah, okay. Wait. Wait. "Ready, Reese? Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!" I did! I jumped to my feet! I fell. I tried 2 more times. I got an hour and 10 minutes of this?! I rode back to the shore and sat for a few minutes. I was totally winded. I was totally disheartened. So, I sat there watching a 7 and 12 year-old surfing. Ohh, to be 12 and have no fear. (And have flexibility!) Grabbing my board, I went back into the water. Ryan, bless his heart, surfed in and pulled me out to the starting point. I sat through about 4 or 5 waves, then he turned me around and said "Go!" And I did! I paddled! I jumped to my feet! And was able to stand for a brief shining moment! And, when I say brief, I mean brief. It was fantastic! That was the only time I was able to get up on the board. I had a great time! Until I got back to the hotel.
Dude - my knee was totally jacked. My arms and shoulders were so sore. I sat in the jacuzzi for hours. I was far less sore when I started working out with my trainer! This was totally different. I'm still sore now.
I went to the Hawaiian Fire store to pick up my pictures (I'll post 'em!) and Ryan was there. "Hey, Rissa. Do your arms hurt today?" Hardy har har, bastard. :) He wished me a happy birthday, gave me some stickers and I left.
I highly recommend the surfing lessons ~ great fun, great pain.
Thursday arrived. I took a peek out to the ocean from the room and boy, was the surf rollin'! White caps indicating rough-ish water. Although there were tons of surfers out there, as a novice, I was still a-flutter. Oh well, what's a girl to do? Go find firemen, of course.
I had to meet the pick-up van at 7:10 a.m. at the Sheraton/Royal Hawaiian on Don Ho Lane - a 3-minute walk from the Outrigger. I couldn't sit still...pacing...fretting...pacing...almost to the point of panic, until I saw the huge HAWAIIAN FIRE logo drive by. EEEK! I was really excited to see a van?! Jimmy the Driver made a couple of stops, filling the van with 12 anxious would-be surfers (3 Japanese students, 2 girls from Canada, a local, a family of 5 from Nebraska and me). We were a bit chatty, moreso along the lines of 'courtesy' chat, really. Then Jimmy the Driver kicked in with background info, where we were going, sights along the way.
30 minutes later, we arrived at this gorgeous beach. As we drove in, someone commented "Oh, you can camp here?" Jimmy the Driver laughed, "It's a camp alright." A lot of homeless people had set-up 'camp' on the beach. Anyway, the beach is on property which was formerly a military base. De-activated in 1999, Hawaiian Fire has found it to be the best place to teach surfing. The beach was set with two tents, lots of beach chairs and a bunch of surfboards. The wind was really blowing and the surf looked huge and intimidating. The water was a gorgeous blue and I was happy just taking that all in.
We were given shoes & rash protectors (a long-sleeved top) to put on, then sent to a tent for instruction. Enter Instructor Duke. Uhh...hi! He gave us some background info on HF, the gear we had on, the beach (the whole military story) and the weather ("Perfect surf weather! The waves are great!). Then, another guy came over. He told us how to position ourselves on the board, how & where are feet should be, how to paddle, that the paddling out was the hardest part, how to push up & get through a wave that breaks in front of you, and then how to pop-up when it's time to ride. Lemme tell ya, it looked soooo easy when he was showing us! He gave us the instructions: paddle out to a surfer, when he tells you to paddle, do it, he'll push you, you paddle 3-4 more strokes, then jump up and surf! Uhh...okay. So, we moved to the surfboards. Instructor Kevin (uh...hi!) had us position ourselves and show him how we pop-up onto the boards. I did pretty well. On dry land. Then we were set free, into the ocean.
One by one, Instructor Ryan (uhh...hi!) set us on our boards and pushed us off to the instructors out there 100 yards and waiting. Ryan said the surf was only 2-3 footers, perfect for beginners. I started paddling out. Damn, that's tiring! I got through the breakers crashing in my face and made it out to Kevin. Wait. Wait. "Ready, Reese? Paddle now! Paddle now!" I did! I jumped to my feet! I fell. OK. I got an hour and 20 minutes of this - I'll stand. So, paddle...paddle...cough, cough. Back out to Kevin. He gave me encouragment and advice ~ "Just pop-up to your feet!" Umm...yeah, okay. Wait. Wait. "Ready, Reese? Paddle! Paddle! Paddle!" I did! I jumped to my feet! I fell. I tried 2 more times. I got an hour and 10 minutes of this?! I rode back to the shore and sat for a few minutes. I was totally winded. I was totally disheartened. So, I sat there watching a 7 and 12 year-old surfing. Ohh, to be 12 and have no fear. (And have flexibility!) Grabbing my board, I went back into the water. Ryan, bless his heart, surfed in and pulled me out to the starting point. I sat through about 4 or 5 waves, then he turned me around and said "Go!" And I did! I paddled! I jumped to my feet! And was able to stand for a brief shining moment! And, when I say brief, I mean brief. It was fantastic! That was the only time I was able to get up on the board. I had a great time! Until I got back to the hotel.
Dude - my knee was totally jacked. My arms and shoulders were so sore. I sat in the jacuzzi for hours. I was far less sore when I started working out with my trainer! This was totally different. I'm still sore now.
I went to the Hawaiian Fire store to pick up my pictures (I'll post 'em!) and Ryan was there. "Hey, Rissa. Do your arms hurt today?" Hardy har har, bastard. :) He wished me a happy birthday, gave me some stickers and I left.
I highly recommend the surfing lessons ~ great fun, great pain.
Birthday Blog!
Top 10 Rocked My World Birthday Moments 2007
1. Flowers from my Dad ~ since the 5th grade, Dad sends me a bouquet on my birthday. This year, it didn't matter he had to send it to Hawaii.
2. 80 minute Hot Lava Rock massage ~ ohhhh, heaven in paradise! Seriously. Hot rocks aligned on my spine while more hot rocks were used to massage my body. Hot damn! I was so sad when I heard "We're done."
3. 3660 on the Rise ~ I've been dying to eat at this restaurant since January! I knew what I was going to order - soup, main course, dessert, even the wine. And I wasn't disappointed. Our waiter was fantastic - making a special dessert for my birthday. I didn't eat it. Sorry, I wanted creme brulee!
4. Locals only ~ everywhere we went, Mom & I were asked which island we were visiting from. I love that the locals thought we were locals! Mom and one of our breakfast waiters had a lot in common: he went to the same school she did and he lives on the same street she did when she lived there. It's a small, small world.
5. Champagne basket from my Team ~ ohhh, how well my co-workers know me! Mid-day on my birthday, a bottle of champagne arrived at the room. Midnight on my birthday, a bottle of champage had...uh...disappeared!
6. Upgrade ~ The Outrigger on the Reef is my favorite hotel in Honolulu. When I booked my trip, I decided to treat myself to an ocean-view room, instead of a partial ocean-view room. As we were checking in, the desk guy said "We are upgrading you to an ocean front room for the week. And, you'll be the first guests to stay in this room - no one has been in it." Uhh...Happy Birthday to me! WOW! The room? Huge! The view? All water! The room? Huge and awesome! It was so nice to sit at night with the sliding glass doors open, sheers closed, listening to the waves crash, slight breeze blowing. This must be just like living in paradise - and I don't want to go home.
7. ABC Stores ~ these are the best stores EVER! On one block, you may find 4 or 5 of these stores. I can't really describe it...it's Target and it's 7-11 and it's a cheesy souvenir shop all mixed up and called ABC Stores. Anything Hawaiian - it's in there. I love the ABC Stores!
8. Hawaiian Fire ~ ohhh, the firemen. It's a blog unto itself. What a fun, fun time! Yeah, I had to sit in the jacuzzi for, like, 5 hours. And, yeah, I still can't lift my arms above my head (and I surfed *last* Thursday). But it was fun!
9. Cookie basket from my sister ~ my sister is the greatest! I really missed her on this trip...but she sent me this fantastic basket of cookies ~ hibiscus-shaped cookies. They were yuuummmmy :)
10. my Mom ~ I really planned to do this trip alone. But, a week with my Mom was wonderful. Really! We love the same things about Hawaii and doing the same things while there. I love seeing her Hawaii, her home.
1. Flowers from my Dad ~ since the 5th grade, Dad sends me a bouquet on my birthday. This year, it didn't matter he had to send it to Hawaii.
2. 80 minute Hot Lava Rock massage ~ ohhhh, heaven in paradise! Seriously. Hot rocks aligned on my spine while more hot rocks were used to massage my body. Hot damn! I was so sad when I heard "We're done."
3. 3660 on the Rise ~ I've been dying to eat at this restaurant since January! I knew what I was going to order - soup, main course, dessert, even the wine. And I wasn't disappointed. Our waiter was fantastic - making a special dessert for my birthday. I didn't eat it. Sorry, I wanted creme brulee!
4. Locals only ~ everywhere we went, Mom & I were asked which island we were visiting from. I love that the locals thought we were locals! Mom and one of our breakfast waiters had a lot in common: he went to the same school she did and he lives on the same street she did when she lived there. It's a small, small world.
5. Champagne basket from my Team ~ ohhh, how well my co-workers know me! Mid-day on my birthday, a bottle of champagne arrived at the room. Midnight on my birthday, a bottle of champage had...uh...disappeared!
6. Upgrade ~ The Outrigger on the Reef is my favorite hotel in Honolulu. When I booked my trip, I decided to treat myself to an ocean-view room, instead of a partial ocean-view room. As we were checking in, the desk guy said "We are upgrading you to an ocean front room for the week. And, you'll be the first guests to stay in this room - no one has been in it." Uhh...Happy Birthday to me! WOW! The room? Huge! The view? All water! The room? Huge and awesome! It was so nice to sit at night with the sliding glass doors open, sheers closed, listening to the waves crash, slight breeze blowing. This must be just like living in paradise - and I don't want to go home.
7. ABC Stores ~ these are the best stores EVER! On one block, you may find 4 or 5 of these stores. I can't really describe it...it's Target and it's 7-11 and it's a cheesy souvenir shop all mixed up and called ABC Stores. Anything Hawaiian - it's in there. I love the ABC Stores!
8. Hawaiian Fire ~ ohhh, the firemen. It's a blog unto itself. What a fun, fun time! Yeah, I had to sit in the jacuzzi for, like, 5 hours. And, yeah, I still can't lift my arms above my head (and I surfed *last* Thursday). But it was fun!
9. Cookie basket from my sister ~ my sister is the greatest! I really missed her on this trip...but she sent me this fantastic basket of cookies ~ hibiscus-shaped cookies. They were yuuummmmy :)
10. my Mom ~ I really planned to do this trip alone. But, a week with my Mom was wonderful. Really! We love the same things about Hawaii and doing the same things while there. I love seeing her Hawaii, her home.
Friday, April 27, 2007
Vacation all I ever wanted...
Hey Kids ~
I'm off to paradise (aka Hawaii!) for a whole week :)
I'll see all y'all when I return!
Aloooooo-HA!
I'm off to paradise (aka Hawaii!) for a whole week :)
I'll see all y'all when I return!
Aloooooo-HA!
Friday, April 13, 2007
insane in the brain
This week, I've purchased the following:
- one tankini
- one beach cover-up
- 2 dresses
- one pair of sandals
- 2 skirts
- 3 spa treatments at the hotel in Hawaii where I will be for my birthday
Apparently, turning 40 has affected me more than I thought.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
but I still haven't found what I'm looking for
In 26 days, I will be 40. And, I must admit, am a little freaked out. OK. More than a little freaked out.
I truly expected to be in a different place than I am now. At 18, looking ahead to what 40 would be, I saw marriage and a family and a house and stability. At T-minus 26 days and counting, looking ahead to what 40 will be, I ain't seein' what I thought I would. *sigh* I really just need to reconcile the 18 year-old view with the 39 year-old reality.
My life is fantastic. Really! I have a wonderful, supportive, fun family ~ a constant source of love and laughs. My friends ~ all of them, from Orlando FL to PhilaPA to my BFFs at the Burbank Blvd. compound ~ show me every day how lucky I am, how blessed I am and how loved I am. My job is oh-so-good! My team is the best (this I know *and* I've been told again and again) ~ my boss is great, the Company is *fantastic* and the perks are stellar (c'mon, where else in this world can a girl almost get run over by Matthew Perry AND have George Swooney bump into her? No where, I tell you! No where!). In general, I'm happy. 40, looming in the headlights, is just kicking my ass and making me sad.
I've been journaling this whole "I'm turning 40 someday" thing since last year. It has forced me to take stock of what I have, what I want and who I am. Not the who I am from the 18 year-old perspective. But the true now who I am. *sigh*
I'll let ya know what I find out, when I find out.
I truly expected to be in a different place than I am now. At 18, looking ahead to what 40 would be, I saw marriage and a family and a house and stability. At T-minus 26 days and counting, looking ahead to what 40 will be, I ain't seein' what I thought I would. *sigh* I really just need to reconcile the 18 year-old view with the 39 year-old reality.
My life is fantastic. Really! I have a wonderful, supportive, fun family ~ a constant source of love and laughs. My friends ~ all of them, from Orlando FL to PhilaPA to my BFFs at the Burbank Blvd. compound ~ show me every day how lucky I am, how blessed I am and how loved I am. My job is oh-so-good! My team is the best (this I know *and* I've been told again and again) ~ my boss is great, the Company is *fantastic* and the perks are stellar (c'mon, where else in this world can a girl almost get run over by Matthew Perry AND have George Swooney bump into her? No where, I tell you! No where!). In general, I'm happy. 40, looming in the headlights, is just kicking my ass and making me sad.
I've been journaling this whole "I'm turning 40 someday" thing since last year. It has forced me to take stock of what I have, what I want and who I am. Not the who I am from the 18 year-old perspective. But the true now who I am. *sigh*
I'll let ya know what I find out, when I find out.
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