NaBloPoMo 7.5

I came across several blog posts and comments about compulsive hoarding. Like the impulse to pick at a scab, I read the blogs. As it turned out, most were nothing more than the hoarding entry from Wikipedia. The comments, however, were no copied paragraph. And, yeah, I read those, too.

A lot of the comments were professions of "I'm the complete opposite of a hoarder!" Quite a few were "Oh, I watch that show [Hoarders] and feel so sorry for the families that have to deal with hoarding..." Then, of course, there were the negative comments that got me all riled: "They're just lazy!" "Just throw that shit out!" "How can anyone live like that?"

Well, I am a compulsive hoarder and I am not lazy. If it were as easy as 'throwing that shit out,' I would have done it years ago! I wouldn't have agonized over four fucking handbags in the middle of my fucking apartment, wondering if I'd really get the fucking guts to send them to a friend. Yeah, this is exactly how I want to live my life! When I was a little girl, I dreamt of living in an apartment so cluttered that there would be goat paths leading to the bed, kitchen and bathroom. Yep, I imagined piles of clothes everywhere; imagined every flat space stacked with mail and magazines. My big dream of having no one visit my apartment - absolutely no one inside - has come to fruition. How many people can say their biggest dream has come true?

Hey thanks - your compassion is overfuckingwhelming.

NaBloPoMo 7.4 - Saving Myself

"Many people live with a tormentor in their head that continuously attacks and punishes them and drains them of vital energy. It is the cause of untold misery and unhappiness, as well as of disease. The good news is that you CAN free yourself from your mind. This is the only true liberation." ~ Eckhart Tolle

Today will be my Independence Day...freedom from this clutter.

Freedom - my freedom - will be a change of mindset.

NaBloPoMo 7.3 - The Love You Save

Write a story (in 12 minutes!) about a couple breaking up and include the following phrases:

• upstairs the clock ticked softly
• he asked her to take off her clothes
• suddenly the door was thrown open
• the nest was empty
• all the people disappeared
• his laughter could be heard in the next county

~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~_~

I sat beneath the tree, staring at the tangle of limbs, branches and twigs. Quietly, I scamper up the trunk, nails piercing the wood. I silently scoot across the branch near the balcony and discover the nest was empty. I contemplate a jump, readying myself when suddenly the door was thrown open. I awkwardly jump down and scurry in the back door. I stop at the foot of the stairs…then silently make my way up. I lay outside the door, in the hall. He speaks.

“I never noticed how softly this upstairs clock ticks…”

You wouldn’t, I thought. Too much time downstairs.

“Yeah…” she said.

Drawers open and close, doors slide to either side. The cross paths but avoid touching. She gasped – “Will I WHAT?!” He points to the boxes atop his gym bag.

“I said will you take off your clothes…from my bag. Sorry…wording…bad…”

I ran downstairs and curled up on the sofa in front of the TV. It was some comedian who had a laugh that could be heard in the next county. He padded down the stairs, looked at me and said goodbye. I was silent. She came downstairs, too.

“Nala…come on, kitty…into your box…”

She kissed my nose and I crawled into the box. She hit the remote and all the people disappeared.

Note – I hand write my stories…and they seem much longer in my notebook. I’m looking at this like, it took you 12 minutes to write THAT?!

NaBloPoMo 7.2 - Save it for Later

When I finally faced my compulsive hoarding a couple of years ago, I had to speak it out loud to others. It was tough to do that, tough to face. Hell, it's *still* tough to say it, face it. I received a lot of support and strength from friends and strangers. Those words continue to hold me up.

One such supporter is Melanie. I am not quite sure how it came about, but I told her she'd get my handbags. For a year or so, I have had a pile of handbags to send to her. I would move them from here to there; out of the box, back into the box. I saved the bags because 'what if' I wanted to use the yellow one again, someday? I saved them for later, certain I would need/use the bags again. Some of the bags were added back into rotation. Some were used for storage. OK, some are still used for storage.

Last week, I brought home an empty box from work, put 4 bags into it and took the box to my car. The next day, wrote out a label & card, taped that shit up and drove to the post office. All the while, aching to rip open the box, as if it were a gift for me, and use the bags. Well, not really use them as much as dump them in the middle of my floor so that I still have them. I didn't. Luckily, there was no line at the post office otherwise that would have been the case.

Melanie has the bags now. I'm sure she'll enjoy them. If she doesn't, I am okay with that. I was able to move past this hurdle. It's a huge small step for me.

Moving forward, taking small steps, making progress.

NaBloPoMo7.1 - Last Night a DJ Saved My Life

'Saved' is this month's National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) theme. This entry was originally posted in August 2007; I've tweaked it a bit and reposted.

While watching my new favorite train wreck on TV "Rock of Love" I saw Richard Blade! :::squeal::: I *heart* Richard Blade!

Richard Blade used to be a DJ on KROQ 106.7 FM back in the days of Poorman, Dusty Street (remember Lady & the Doorknob?), Katy Manor, Freddy Snakeskin, Swedish Egil and the Romando & Blade morning show. KROQ was THE place to hear all the cool music! I owe a huge 'thank you!' to Richard Blade for introducing me to all of my favorite music. He played b-sides, went deep on albums and played incredible re-mixes (to this day I wish I could find It's a Mug's Game, Everybody Wants to Run the World and Should I Should I). Tons of great music was introduced to me by Richard Blade: The English Beat, Dramarama, "Don't Argue" by Cabaret Voltaire, "Kiss Me" by Tin Tin, "World Destruction" by Time Zone, "Dancing in Heaven", "Politics of Dancing", Bronski Beat, the Motels, King, Fishbone, the Untouchables, New Order/Joy Division, the Clash...a list that goes on and on and on...

Then, Richard Blade moved into TV as a host of MV3 (basically, American Bandstand with 'new wave' music) and Video One. It was the first time those without MTV were able to see the bands whose music we listened to on KROQ - Spandau, The English Beat, Yaz, Haircut 100, Bow Wow Wow, Psychedelic Furs, Face to Face, Tin Tin, Oingo Boingo, another list that goes on and on and on. MV3 had live performances - Boingo, the Bangles (performing 2 songs I can't find anywhere - Real World and I'm In Line), Berlin, Romeo Void...another list that goes on and on.

With the music shift in the 90s and 00s, Richard Blade was relegated to an hour at lunchtime "Flashback Lunch" where he played the good 80s stuff.

Then, he was gone. :(

He left KROQ...he left radio. Ohh, sadness prevailed! More than the music he played, Richard Blade told great personal stories of his friendships with a lot of the bands whose music he played (I wasn't the only one who gasped when he said he'd dated Teri Nunn, was I? Who else squealed when Duran or Depeche phoned in?). All you have to do is watch a few episodes of VH-1's "Bands Reunited" - he's the one lunching with the targeted band member! It was a huge loss to radio when Richard Blade left.

A few years ago, while driving home from a visit to Riverside, I flipped stations to Star 98.7. Some 80s tune was wafting out...and then that familiar English accent: "This is Richard Blade..." SHUT UP! NO WAY! Caller after caller: Welcome back! I love you! Will you play...I couldn't get my cell phone fast enough! Yes, I called the radio station. Duh! I asked him to play "Everybody Wants to Run the World" but he didn't have it. So, I asked if he would play "Should I Should I" - which he did have and which he did play. :) :)

I think Richard Blade is now on XM Radio, but I don't have that. I do know he's been hosting the Spazmatics at Universal CityWalk (he sends bulletins from his myspace)...but I've never been to one of the shows.

**I've had the pleasure of meeting Richard on several occasions ~ English Beat concerts, Blasphemous Rumours shows, even a wine tasting event. He is one of the most gracious and warm human beings. He takes time to say hello, pose for endless pictures and hugs. I love walking by, hearing a fan say "Remember when I met you in 1984..." But, he smiles and listens and is wonderful to his fans. Yeah, I love me some Richard Blade.

Thank you, Richard Blade! This is for you :)

Uh...

So, I'm in Torrid looking at shorts. The sales girl is very helpful, pulling out every pair of non-denim shorts they have. Unfortunately, most are short-shorts. And, I ain't trying to wear those. "No, those aren't age-appropriate" is what I repeatedly tell the sales girl. Finally, she gets it and I'm off to the dressing room with 3 pairs of shorts.

Also in the store, being helped by the same sales girl, is a teenaged girl and her mother. We follow each other around store: me picking up a top she puts down, she picking up shorts I put down. She ends up with an armful of clothes in a dressing room across from me.

The shorts didn't really work for me. No big deal. Ready to walk out, the sales girl comes back with one more pair. I step out to look at myself in the 3-way mirror. It's quiet...the sales girl and I have the same look - that scrunched-up nose thing...when the mother of the teenage girl says "Do you think those shorts are appropriate for a woman your age?" I turn and say "These shorts are appropriate for a woman with my legs."

In the dressing room, I was all "Some nerve!" By the time I made it to my car, I just figured she'd heard what I was saying to the sales girl in the store and wanted to chime in...or be helpful...or something. Whatever.

I didn't buy those shorts either.

bit by bit...

Baby steps. I'm making them, taking them.
I do a bit then I take a break. It isn't as overwhelming this way.
It doesn't show much progress either, but some has been made.
One pile of mail to sort through; 3 piles of clothes; assorted 'other' piles to tackle as well. And the shoes. Ugh. Gotta find a place for the shoes.
Hoarders is on the television right now. Oh, great, it's a marathon. :::exhale::: The questions being asked are helpful...I can use them while I go through my stuff. Well, let's be realistic - I will ask; just wonder if I will talk myself right around the questions...?
This is tough.

The hidden beauty of hoarding

This is me. Irene is me.
While I find absolutely NO beauty in hoarding, I find truth and me in this story.
I am breaking, people. I cannot keep the breakdown at bay.
This sucks. I am looking for help. I am asking for help.

The last word: The hidden beauty of hoarding - The Week

Review - Chef Brian's Comfort Truck

Thanks to Twitter, I have developed a mild fascination with gourmet food trucks in Los Angeles. On any given day, trucks can be found from the Valley to the South Bay selling their tasty wares – dim sum, Korean BBQ, Indian food, burgers, sushi. Even popular restaurants and food establishments like Sprinkles cupcakes, In-n-Out and Border Grill are jumping on this mobile bandwagon. I have tracked down the Grilled Cheese Truck, twice; and happened upon the Sweets Truck when I walked out of my office building for a break. My ‘must try’ list has four trucks: Frysmith (fries as a meal), Cool Haus (gourmet ice cream sandwiches), Buttermilk Truck (breakfast favorites) and the Comfort Truck (sliders, wings and wraps). Yesterday, I crossed off the Comfort Truck from my list.

Friday was a particularly taxing day at work. By late afternoon, I tweeted my sentiment: I sure could use some @ComfortTruck right about now. Within minutes, my tweet was re-tweeted with an invitation to find them over the weekend. I hoped for a location close to me in the Valley but knew I would drive almost anywhere in L.A. to give the truck a try. The event location and time revealed via Twitter, I made my plan to find the Comfort Truck.

Chef Brian’s Comfort Truck took to the road in March of this year with Brian Hill at the wheel. Hill is a former Top Chef contestant and current featured chef on Private Chefs of Beverly Hills.

Waiting to turn at the intersection of National and Exposition, I was greeted by the sight of that iconic red KFC building and a soon-to-be just as iconic red Comfort Truck. To my surprise, and utter delight, there was no line. I parked my car and called Lys – “I am at the Comfort Truck!” Before I could focus on the menu, I was greeted by a happy voice from within the truck “What’s up, girl?” It was Chef Brian! His smile was wide and warm even through the screen separating us. I told him how my need for the Comfort Truck on Friday lead me to seek it out on Saturday. Nikki, one of his co-workers, joined him at the window.

“Wait, that was on Twitter, right? What’s your name?”
“Rissa. Rissadee on Twitter.”
“Yeah! I’m glad you found us.” Brian slid open the screen and gave me a fist bump. Holla!

Unfamiliar with the menu and not sure what to order, I asked Chef Brian’s opinion. He hooked me up with BBQ chicken sliders, jerk beef sliders and an order of his infamous ‘crack’ tortilla chips with relish. Before I left, Chef Brian came out from the truck to give me a hug and said “Thank you!” Holla!

I called Lys to tell my Comfort Truck tale only to lose her in Laurel Canyon; but not before she could ask me to write a guest blog about my experience (that’s how I wound up here, in case you were wondering). The food smelled delicious, the bag was giving off heat, my mouth watering. I could not drive home fast enough. I pulled into my apartment parking space, grabbed a fistful of napkins from my glove compartment (a necessity for professional in-car eaters) and ripped open the bag. No shame in my game!

First stop: BBQ chicken sliders. I’ve said this before: the second bite is my favorite. The first one, you’re just trying it out – the temperature, the texture, checking to see if it’s a combination of flavors you can tolerate. But, the second bite? Ohh, that’s where it’s happening! The soft and unobtrusive roll, that tangy and somewhat familiar bbq sauce, the crispy and tender fried chicken topped with melted mozzarella all came together…mmm. Oh, sorry – I’m salivating.

Next stop: jerk beef sliders. Same soft and unobtrusive roll with a nicely done (inside and out!) beef patty, I got a double whammy on my second bite. That’s when the jerk seasoning hit me and, to my surprise, a bite of pineapple. Aloha! What a clever and tasty pair, which may not be so surprising to some. As a Hawaiian, I am a firm believer in keeping pineapple off of pizza and burgers. I shall now recant and amend my statement to include only pizza.

Third and, sadly, final stop: fried tortilla chips and relish. 1) Chef Brian’s relish of corn, white beans, cilantro and seasonings is a meal on its own. 2) ‘Crack’ chips are appropriately named. WOW! After one bite, I knew one bag of chips was not going to be enough for me. I kept breaking them into smaller and smaller pieces only to make them last longer. And once they were gone, don’t think it didn’t cross my mind to drive back over there. No shame in my game.

If you’re in LA, go find Chef Brian and get your Comfort Truck on. Holla!

*Fist bump*

NaBloPoMo 1: 43

This month's National Blog Posting Month (NaBloPoMo) topic: Looking Up.

Today, I turn 43.

For the first time in five or six years, I am/have not been anxious or depressed about an upcoming birthday.

For the first time in a long time, things are looking up.

And that is all good.