Saturday, October 11, 2008

Mean Girls ~ they're not just for high school anymore

90% of the time, I consider myself a confident person. I stand up for myself, defend my opinions, put myself out there to meet new people and am the first to laugh at myself. Last night, however, I was thrust back to high school and those insecure and inferior feelings washed over me.

Dinner with friends - easy enough. Making the last-minute decision to run home to change clothes would make me late. Not "L.A. time" late, but late nonetheless. Faded jeans, grey sweater over white tank top and black chunky heel loafer shoes - nothing fancy, casual, perfectly fine for drinks and dinner. Or so I thought.

I arrive, greet the girls. Looking fabulous, I admire key pieces ~ Great bag! The patent shoes are tres chic! Those boots are reason enough to have The Surgery!

You didn't have to get so dressed up for us. Looking me up and down.

These are my best faded jeans, I said with a laugh. And I remembered to match my shoes to my bag.

It's no wonder you don't date, Reese. You don't take your appearance seriously. Blink.

Clinton and Stacy wouldn't ambush me on Ventura Boulevard.

They would certainly stop and think twice.

The 'Bash Reese' portion of the show continued for 20 minutes ~ my appearance, my dating record, why I'm not going to the gym, why I stopped wearing contact lenses, my body language. I felt smaller and smaller with every word. I don't know where my confidence was hiding...smaller and smaller, sadder and sadder, feeling more and more like my 15 year old self than the actual 41.

And, tears fell. Not rushing, blubbering, splatter my glasses crying. The welling, the filling and a couple falling.

And, you always wear heels. I don't get that. Men are intimidated by tall women. You know that - you hardly date tall men.

I couldn't retort. I couldn't say anything. I wanted to laugh it all off. I really did! But the words just hit...the sting, the venom, the hurt. I didn't get it, didn't understand where it came from. Didn't understand why I was having dinner with the Mean Girls. And I was completely baffled why I was so affected. I'd had such a great day! The 15 year old self was so beat down by it all...but 41 showed up just in time to save her.

I stood, said thank you, grabbed my faux Marc Jacobs and left. I shook and cried out the door, down the street, in the car and all the way home.

This morning, I have two voicemails, several text messages and a raging headache.

The thing that sticks with me is how easily I was affected.

6 comments:

Liela said...

Ok, look FIRST OF ALL: You're 41?! You look DAMN good for 41, so you have all those so-called "mean girls" who are really "grownass adults and should act as such" beat.

And SECOND OF ALL: At 6' tall on a bad day, I still wear heels just about every day of my life. Men who are intimidated by ANY kind of woman, let alone a tall one, are not worth your time, devotion, and dedication. Any girl with even one iota of self respect would know that they shouldn't change ONE. ITTY. BITTY. THING. about themselves just to please a man. I'm only 24 and I know that.

Those mean girls? Obviously completely insecure with the fact that you can show up looking casual AND fabulous and they have to get all gussied up just to feel "acceptable". Keep it up, baby girl. Never let 'em get you down. You're too intelligent, funny, charming, talented, stylish, and most of all, beautiful to feed into their self esteem issues.

Lys said...

OK, Reese, this concerns me. You are one of the MOST confident people I know and you are fabulous. Whatever the Mean Girls said, let it roll off because they clearly don't know (or appreciate) what a wonderful person you are.

They have the issue - NOT you. *hugz*

tofu916 said...

fuck them bitches!!! up against the wall, with SUPERGLUE on their lips!!!

the slackmistress said...

Every time I have seen you you are tall, confident, and gorgeous. Anyone who's intimidated by someone who is obviously as kind, pretty, and friendly as you is NOT WORTH YOUR TIME.

And since when is wearing glasses "not caring?" Paging Tina Fey...

Mélange said...

I have been there, darlin. OMG have I been there!!

It's amazing to me how quickly you flit from thirty/forty-something to fifteen in a flash.

To this day, I can't walk by a group of snickering junior high kids and not wonder if they're laughing at me.

I can't say anything to take away the things they said, but I've certainly got similar experiences to share if you ever want to talk. My own SISTER does this to me on a regular basis.

Love you, beautiful!!! Mwuah!!

MONEKE said...

Baby girl! You are a "PHENOMENAL WOMAN" and you KNOW this. But yes there are those days where we let our guard down and let those silly comments of someone else’s insecurities sting us right in the ass. Mean Girls (even your own friends) can be evil bitches. When its our own friends it hurts even worse. I got much love for you. Your confidence shines so bright don’t let that dim your light! You’re amazing and talented. You have accomplished so much in life and continue to prosper. I got your back if you need a lunch date without the MEAN GIRL attitude. We can go have a Bellini again ;o)

I could use a drink :D