but I still haven't found what I'm looking for

In 26 days, I will be 40. And, I must admit, am a little freaked out. OK. More than a little freaked out.

I truly expected to be in a different place than I am now. At 18, looking ahead to what 40 would be, I saw marriage and a family and a house and stability. At T-minus 26 days and counting, looking ahead to what 40 will be, I ain't seein' what I thought I would. *sigh* I really just need to reconcile the 18 year-old view with the 39 year-old reality.

My life is fantastic. Really! I have a wonderful, supportive, fun family ~ a constant source of love and laughs. My friends ~ all of them, from Orlando FL to PhilaPA to my BFFs at the Burbank Blvd. compound ~ show me every day how lucky I am, how blessed I am and how loved I am. My job is oh-so-good! My team is the best (this I know *and* I've been told again and again) ~ my boss is great, the Company is *fantastic* and the perks are stellar (c'mon, where else in this world can a girl almost get run over by Matthew Perry AND have George Swooney bump into her? No where, I tell you! No where!). In general, I'm happy. 40, looming in the headlights, is just kicking my ass and making me sad.

I've been journaling this whole "I'm turning 40 someday" thing since last year. It has forced me to take stock of what I have, what I want and who I am. Not the who I am from the 18 year-old perspective. But the true now who I am. *sigh*

I'll let ya know what I find out, when I find out.