Monday, July 21, 2008

struggling

Got a call from @illuminato this evening - so great to talk with her!

During our conversation, she mentioned her mom is a
hoarder, too. She has been following @illuminato on Twitter, reading her tweets and such. By reading those, she discovered my clutter problem and expressed to @illuminato how proud she is of me. That made my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes.

I'm struggling, people. I am struggling. As hell-bent as I am to keep my living space clutter-free, it is hard. Friends don't understand - "just clean it!" is what I've been told more than once. And, while I am super conscious of some things; not so much so with others. It's hard and I do not know what to do. I'm frustrated and scattered; having trouble focusing on the task(s) at hand. I'm having trouble throwing things out...trouble organizing, putting things in their place...hell, trouble putting things in *a* place.

Why this is difficult for me is puzzling. I don't get it! Which adds to my frustration; so much so that I end up crying, giving up. That's when I fall back on what I know - avoidance. Fill my nights and weekends with people and things - have to do *this* with *them* so *that* will have to wait until next time. I've also noticed some not-so-good behaviors which have me concerned...

I need help again. I need help to finish the job. I have to ask for that help.

I will.

3 comments:

Sara at On Simplicity said...

I think we're all guilty of recommending the "just do it" philosophy at one time or another. But you're right--that's not always realistic.

I would offer some sage advice, but I haven't been able to read through your archives yet. I'd probably end up saying something you've already discussed.

What I can say is that you're not the only one, you can do it--in your own time and in your own way, and that you're getting there one step at a time.

Mélange said...

Start by sending those boxes of shoes and handbags out to your friends that you talked about a few weeks ago.

Next, tackle ONE thing at a time. Finish it. Move onto the next. Dont' worry about creating new piles. They'll get worked out.

Do at least one thing a night until you make it a habit.

Don't look at the big picture...just the small ones - day by day.

Hang in there, gorgeous!

the slackmistress said...

Letting go is hard, and asking for help is hard. The fact that you've been able to do both - in big steps or small - is something to be proud of.