Got a call from @illuminato this evening - so great to talk with her!
During our conversation, she mentioned her mom is a hoarder, too. She has been following @illuminato on Twitter, reading her tweets and such. By reading those, she discovered my clutter problem and expressed to @illuminato how proud she is of me. That made my heart swell and brought tears to my eyes.
I'm struggling, people. I am struggling. As hell-bent as I am to keep my living space clutter-free, it is hard. Friends don't understand - "just clean it!" is what I've been told more than once. And, while I am super conscious of some things; not so much so with others. It's hard and I do not know what to do. I'm frustrated and scattered; having trouble focusing on the task(s) at hand. I'm having trouble throwing things out...trouble organizing, putting things in their place...hell, trouble putting things in *a* place.
Why this is difficult for me is puzzling. I don't get it! Which adds to my frustration; so much so that I end up crying, giving up. That's when I fall back on what I know - avoidance. Fill my nights and weekends with people and things - have to do *this* with *them* so *that* will have to wait until next time. I've also noticed some not-so-good behaviors which have me concerned...
I need help again. I need help to finish the job. I have to ask for that help.