Well, I could get a great all-over tan...

Three weeks from today, I'll be in Hawaii. Yay me!

It occurred to me last Friday, that I do not have a bathing suit. Boo me! I'm the CATHY cartoon when it comes to bathing suit shopping. I *so* don't want to do this. But, I sorta have to. :::sniffle:::

I did some online looking today. WTC?! WHY are bathing suits $80, even $100+? WHY are tankinis the only options for plus-size girls? WHY does Newport News only offer my favorite swimsuit EVER in a hideous floral/jungle print? Why why why?! I checked out The Avenue, Torrid, Lane Bryant, Junonia, Kiyonna, Catherine's, Land's End, Newport News, Spiegel, Macy's, even Target. No bathing suit, but got 2 *great* dresses:

But, I digress. :)

With much dread and trepidation, I opted for the tankini from Old Navy in Cassis (read: brown).

Because of my unique size/shape (6'2", plus-size), tankinis scare the crap outta me. Most are not long enough to cover my tummy and the bottoms do not come up high enough. I ordered this one in a size larger, hoping that will allow for more coverage. I'll find out in 4-7 days. I can always return...and get board shorts instead.

If that doesn't work, I could find the nude beach.

but I still haven't found what I'm looking for

In 26 days, I will be 40. And, I must admit, am a little freaked out. OK. More than a little freaked out.

I truly expected to be in a different place than I am now. At 18, looking ahead to what 40 would be, I saw marriage and a family and a house and stability. At T-minus 26 days and counting, looking ahead to what 40 will be, I ain't seein' what I thought I would. *sigh* I really just need to reconcile the 18 year-old view with the 39 year-old reality.

My life is fantastic. Really! I have a wonderful, supportive, fun family ~ a constant source of love and laughs. My friends ~ all of them, from Orlando FL to PhilaPA to my BFFs at the Burbank Blvd. compound ~ show me every day how lucky I am, how blessed I am and how loved I am. My job is oh-so-good! My team is the best (this I know *and* I've been told again and again) ~ my boss is great, the Company is *fantastic* and the perks are stellar (c'mon, where else in this world can a girl almost get run over by Matthew Perry AND have George Swooney bump into her? No where, I tell you! No where!). In general, I'm happy. 40, looming in the headlights, is just kicking my ass and making me sad.

I've been journaling this whole "I'm turning 40 someday" thing since last year. It has forced me to take stock of what I have, what I want and who I am. Not the who I am from the 18 year-old perspective. But the true now who I am. *sigh*

I'll let ya know what I find out, when I find out.

Girl Can't Help It

Sunday, while at the gym, confidently striding on the elliptical, I made a mental checklist of things to accomplish (laundry, go through the magazines, etc). However, this was not to be. I got a text from BFF Mandy - Gotta go to Nordys Rack and real Nordys. Want to come with? Uhh, is my name Reese? Hell yeah, I wanna go! Nordstrom Rack AND Nordstrom?! Now, I realize this was the wrong choice. But, I went with it. Come on ~ the new Nordstrom @ Topanga is gorrrrrrr-juss! It's huge and pretty and new and gorrrrrrr-juss. The Girl can't help it.

So, me & my BFF head to the Rack. I'm usually pretty lucky when it comes to size 12 shoes at the Rack. But, was sorely disappointed in this trip. I don't need Nikes or Reeboks. I want Steve Maddens or Franco Sartos! None to be had. Fine. "Let's look at jewelry." OK! One word, kids - Sorrelli. Ohmigosh. I've seen Sorrelli, but never looked at Sorrelli. Boy oh boy oh boy oh boy! And, there it was...gorrrrrr-juss bracelet, sparkling stones arranged like flowers all around the wrist. It sparkles! I mean, seriously sparkles. I bought it. Every girl's gotta have some bling, right? The Girl can't help it. The sales girls were very impressed - 'it looks so good on you!' (Duh!); 'you can wear it with anything - jeans, dress, pants - it'll make any outfit'; 'it just pops!' I know! (Monica voice) The Girl can't help it.

Across the street lies mecca - Topanga Plaza. The whole mall was recently overhauled, refurbished and is now simply magnificent. All of my favorite stores are there: Nordstrom, Torrid, Bare Escentuals, Michael Kors, Marc Jacobs, Target. Wanna know what we had for lunch? Sushi! Sushi in the food court, you ask? I know! Ohhh, but it was good. The Girl can't help it.

Then, we hit Nordstrom. :::heavens part, angels' choir sing::: The store is spectacular, really. Over here is Point of View. Over there is Savvy. Across the way is the designer section - Valentino, Chanel, hoity-toity. BFF Mandy & I looked around, grabbed what she needed, except for the Nine West black lace dress - not in her size, blah blah blah (just gonna fast-forward right here).

I gotta tell ya, BFF Mandy is the wrong person for me to shop with. While I try to be my own voice of reason (oxymoronic, I know), she's complimenting the hell outta me - whatever it is! "Ohhh the bracelet is stunning! It really just pops! It looks so good on you!" How do you think I got that Sorrelli bracelet? Her. We wander into the Encore section and there it is. The same black lace Nine West dress BFF Mandy had her eye on. And it is in my size! (the pic doesn't do the dress justice. But, I sure do!)






I'm a little hesitant when it comes to shirtdresses because my lack of a waist is emphasized. I really wanted a great Maggy London, but the patterns were very...eh. So, I try on the Nine West. Uhh, helloooo. Houston, we have a waist! The dress is perfect - shows off the girls, shows the waist I've been looking for, hits and drapes in the right places, and shows off my legs. Basically, this dress shows off all of the hard work I've done since November 2006. Hell yeah it does! Y'know what? I bought it. The Girl can't help it!

Props & a shout-out to Journey for providing today's mantra: Girl Can't Help It

The Bachelor ~ #10

I swore off The Bachelor a couple of years ago. Like most long-running reality TV shows, The Bachelor casts "characters" ~ The Virgin, The Bitchy Girl Who Fights With Everyone, The Psycho, etc. After nine seasons (let's name them, shall we? Alex, Aaron, Andrew, Bob, Jesse, Byron, Charlie, Travis and "Prince" Lorenzo), I needed a break. Last night, however, I tuned in. And boy am I glad I did! It was :::insert Chris Harrison voice::: the most fun Bachelor episode ever.

For those unfamiliar with the process, one guy (The Bachelor) gets to meet 25 girls, eliminating them week after week until he's left with The One. Of the 9 previous Bachelors, only a couple have actually proposed. Of those Bachelors, only ONE couple is still together (Byron and Mary). This bothered me. I'm invested in the show for three months only to have The Bachelor offer the ring as a "promise" or something. It's a huge letdown. (Side bar: Trista - the first Bachelorette - actually was proposed to by Ryan, married Ryan and is now expecting a baby with Ryan!). But, I digress.

Andy, The Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) is a navy doctor. From the neck down, he's pretty rockin'. It's his 30th birthday and he gets his pick of 25 women. One by one they exit the limo to meet him. 95% are blonde. 95% of that 95% have horrible color (washed-out complexion, too bleached, too fake). A lot of sparkly dresses and sparkly girls. Most of the sparkly girls I honestly don't remember. But here are the highlights:

Girl Who Sings - she sang the National Anthem to him. Out loud. In front of other people. For a minute there, I thought it was American Idol (ooh whoa whoa).

Girl With Big Eyes & Biceps - she challenged The Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) to push-ups. Push-ups. Seriously. In her grown-up prom dress, the Girl did push-ups. Ai yi yi.

Girl from Alabama - she was the source of all things entertaining last night! Let's see...she drank a lot. A lot. She fell off her barstool without spilling a drop of her drink! How's that for a neat party trick? She then got into a verbal brawl with Loudmouth Girl. And, to top it all off, Girl from Alabama raps. She rapped - complete with the oh-so-timely beat-boxing - something about Andy. I'm sad she didn't get a rose. I'll miss her entertainment value.

I've decided to stick with this one until the end. Why? Because it was announced at the beginning of the show that there WILL be a payoff. The Bachelor (An Officer and a Gentleman) will propose! :::gasp::: Shut up! I'm in.

So, time to invest in more VCR tapes. I am *not* gonna miss THIS.

"Ladies, please take a moment and say your good-byes."

Idol ~ ooh whoa whoa

American Idol wasn't on last night. The much-anticipated show was replaced by some snore-fest. WTC?! These are the Top 12 guys? Mmmmkay. The first guy, let's call him Boring Guy I, usually is pretty nervous kicking off the show, so I give him some leeway. Geez, I don't even remember what he sang! Background Singer Guy, who impressed me in auditions, barely warranted a yawn from me. What did he sing? BeatBoxBoy failed to impress me, though I am eternally grateful he didn't beatbox his way through his song. Incredulously, Paula & Randy said they *missed* the beatbox thing. What. Ev. Er. "That's your thang, dawg." Ugh. Who chose these songs?! After 5 AI seasons, have these people learned nothing? Don't choose Stevie or Lutha or Whitney or Mariah or Christina unless you can sing the song better than the original!! How often does *that* get said on the show? The only singer & song I remember is SquareBeard Sundance because he wailed "Nights in White Satin" by the Moody Blues. And I only remember this because I called Dawnee wailing "Nights in freakin' White Satin?! The Moody Blues?! Are you kidding me with this?!" Nope. Sadly, so not kidding. Sundance Kid couldn't hit the notes if he was playing Whack-A-Mole at Chuck E. Cheese. The judges were right: stick to the blues that got you through the auditions, man. You kill the blues! And, you killed the Moody Blues. Make Hasselhoff Cry Guy wasn't impressive either. Too bad - I had high hopes for that one. And Randy, bless his heart, proclaimed Guy Who Missed the Birth of his Daughter to Audition as the best singer of the night. Huh? Wha'? I should have just gone to sleep and watched the highlights. Lesson learned.

I really hope the girls "bring it" tonight. I want to see a couple of 'em slap the guys around via song. I hope it isn't a night of ballads...

random notes on a boring weekend

Sick all weekend ~ post-nasal drip, coughing (yeah, Aly, shoulda given up smoking thanks), nose-blowing, more coughing, followed by more nose-blowing. OH! Bought "Soft & Silky" tissues from the 99 cent store. HA! False advertising if I've ever heard it! It's like blowing my nose on a piece of bark. Ouchy!

WTC happened to Britney?! In rehab no longer than elementary school recess. Then, shaved the head. Tra la la. And off to the tattoo parlor. Apparently, she's been tooling around town in a short blonde wig. Umm...not the Office of Family Welfare or anything, but...WTF are your kids?! Part of me feels so sorry for her. Part of me just doesn't understand. Part of me wants the media to just back the hell off. Seriously.

Did I tell you about the job interview? It went really well. Better than I expected, actually. I'll let ya know...

A LOT of people have been asking me about the Secret, The Secret on Oprah and the Secret on Oprah follow-up. In turn, I've been asking others and myself about what I've seen in the Secret. Inspiring, enlightening and butt-kicking (got pictures for my visualization board). Dr. Michael Beckwith and James Arthur Ray are 2 of my favorites from the Secret. I was taking copious notes - many of those will end up on my board.

Watched an interesting and disturbing Tyra show today. Two white people, hidden behind a 2-way mirror, faced 3 white people and, based upon looks only, made judgements. Harsh. The 3 people being judged were yelling back, assuming the disguised voices were blacks making comments. Then, a black guy, who hates being black, hates black people and, admittedly, worships white people, was disguised by a make-up artist to be "white" for a day. His demeanor changed the *instant* make-up was applied: he sat up straighter, he was happier, he became chatty. Then, he was set adrift on Rodeo Drive for the day. He approached strangers, very gregarious and charming, overly chatty. But, he was being followed by a TV camera, so of course people are going to let him pet their dog, baby talk with their kids, answer when he sing-songs "Helloo! How are you todayyy?" Once the guy had to end his charade, again, his demeanor changed: stooped shoulders, sad downcast eyes, it was like taking candy from a kid. The guy, Lawrence, really hates himself...hates being black...and couldn't see any thing good about himself. I cried. A long time ago, Lawrence was me. I wasn't quite as polarized as he. But, could have easily gone there. That's a whole other topic for a whole other day. The phone rang about this time, so I didn't see the end of Lawrence's tale...

Car chase in the Valley this afternoon! Live on most of the news channels, some guy, allegedly, rammed his car into a campus police officer then the chase was on. The guy was all over Pacoima...and the news guy on Channel 11 was pissing me off. He kept challenging the maneuvers - or, lack thereof - of the LAPD. Channel 11 had a police officer on the phone explaining the tactics which officers could use. "So, why are they not just speeding up and bumping his car, Officer?" Well, duh news guy! See the people in the cars? See the people waiting for the bus? Yeah, bump the car, bump the people. After a 20-25 minute chase, the car stopped, the dude got out and was immediately surrounded by police. He wouldn't comply with the request to get down on the ground. Instead, he started approaching the cops! Hellooo - suicide by police! I was thinking the camera would pull-out, in case he was shot. They didn't. Anyway...he was either tasered or peppered, taken down and taken away. Later, a witness said he kept yelling for the cops to shoot him. Dang.

Hugh Grant on Ellen. He's darling, really. "Music & Lyrics" is a cute flick - and it's one of mine, so go see it! Seriously, the movie is very cute. The first 3-4 minutes is a music video and it's all things good about the 80s ~ cheesy lyrics, cute musicians, corny "story" line and catchy tune (Pop! Goes My Heart). Girls - go see it. Hugh shakes his cute little arse too many times to count :)

A past event recently grabbed my attention and had me digging into it again. On an email group I belong to, a woman posted a horrifying tale of death, grief and heartache. Undoubtedly, the story evoked so much emotion from hundreds of people. A lot of goodness reached out to this woman in her time of grief. Heartwarming, at the least. Subsequent emails from this woman slanted the story which made people question the validity. The whole thing turned pretty ugly and the woman disappeared from the group. I found her last week. And asked her about the story. She lashed out at me, said a lot of vile things and asked me to leave her alone. All I want, in a response to her, is to know if she perpetrated a hoax or not. In a lengthy diatribe reply to me, she admitted the story she posted was "not correct" and listed several excuses. Ultimately, I guess, there's really no point to this story...it's just been on my mind. I really wanted resolution. I really got it.

That's all I got, folks.

home

I've been waxing nostalgic lately...(sidebar: waxing nostalgic??)

hot chocolate and cinnamon toast with my Dad before nursery school ~ 6230 ~ Mt. View ~ Mrs. Grande ~ Mr. Hamel ~ Mrs. Cauthen and The Electric Company ~ Mom on Wheel of Fortune ~ playing giant four-square with Mr. King ~ The Red Balloon movie on rainy days ~ jacks & tetherball ~ hating basketball, but playing anyway ~ flag football with Diego Craig ~ Riverside Plaza as an indoor mall ~ Gemco - fighting with my brother to be the one to flash the membership card ~ Zody's ~ the addition ~ Sierra ~ Susan, Mary & Trina ~ cheer and pom tryouts ~ Ann, Marie & Tammie ~ my first crush ~ school dances ~ Ramona ~ Allison, Cindy & Kristy ~ Naugles! ~ football games (The Cookie Monster said that the Rams are THE GREAT BIG COOKIES IN THE COOKIE JAR! We got spirit, yes we do! We got spirit how 'bout you!) ~ Round Table Pizza ~ John Lyons ~ Cheap Trick and lunch by the Counseling office w/Cindy & Marie ~ Paula & Todd ~ Erin, Alix & Audry in Audry's old car at lunch ~ Club Metro ~ cruising Market & Magnolia ~ After 8 teen club, Cee Farrow and smoking cloves ~ Potomac with Kristy ~ Madison with Sean & Lisa ~ Canyon Crest condo ~ downtown on 7th with Lisa ~ Limerick's ~ Harry C's with Lisa & Christine ~ Tava Lanes ~ the Wood streets ~ Mt. Rubidoux ~ concerts at Raincross Square with Allison (goooood times!!) ~ slumber parties with Allison, Kristy, Marie & Amber ~ :)

I'm going down...(progress report III)

:::drum roll please:::

Weight ~ -10.0 pounds
Arms ~ -.50"/-.25"
Thighs ~ -1.25"/-1.50"
Calves ~ -.50"

Nothing in chest, waist, hips.
Total inches lost this month: 4.00"
Total weight lost since November: 20 pounds!

Wooo hooo!
Go me! Go me! Go go go me!

ABCs of Living

Accept differences.
Be kind.
Count your blessings.
Dream.
Express thanks.
Forgive.
Give freely.
Harm no one.
Imagine more.
Jettison anger.
Keep confidences.
Love truly.
Master something.
Nurture hope.
Open your mind.
Pack lightly.
Quell rumors.
Reciprocate.
Seek wisdom.
Touch hearts.
Understand.
Value truth.
Win graciously.
Xeriscape.
Yearn for peace.
Zealously support a worth cause.

I'm going down...(Progress Report I)

Friday night was the "moment of truth" - or "D-Day" as I was calling it. In other words, three weeks to the day that I started training and it was time to measure my progress - weight and measurements. The whole week my emotions ran the gamut: nervous, hopeful, petrified, confident, totally freaked out; I had *no* idea what my numbers were going to be! K kept telling me "it's not the number on the scale" blah blah blah. I'm a girl. Of course I'm going to focus on the number on the scale! Duh.

Last night, with hope and dread in my heart, I walked into the gym. Despite reassurances from K, repeating the mantra "the number on the scale just doesn't matter" in my mind and against my better judgment I walked to the scale. With immense trepidation, I stepped on the scale. :::gulp::: K didn't say anything. My heart sank. :::gulp::: "Did I gain?" voice crackling. "Let's go measure." (insert favorite expletive here)! Measured my chest, arms, waist, hips, thighs. K just wrote everything down, said nothing. Here's the verdict:

Weight: -.50 ~ Chest: -1.0" ~ Arms: -.50"/-0.0" ~ Waist: -1.0" ~ Hips: -2.0" ~ Thighs: -2.0"/-1.5"

Not too bad! I can say that now...although last night I was bummed. Truly expected the weight number to be significantly lower ~ especially after three weeks of hard work and determination! But in the bright light of day - and reality - I recognize my strength is increasing, I may need to cut back (or, cut out) wine and beer (insert tears and favorite expletive here), I need to increase my cardio time and, the big one, my blood pressure IS DOWN! I feel really good. And that, too, is important.

This week, I commit to being more focused on & diligent about my food consumption. I can do it. And I will!

Thanks for your support and encouragement ~ I'm inspired, determined and appreciative!

The hunt for my waist continues...

-4.50