Ever since Philadelphia, I've been completely out of sorts. I have no control over a certain situation...so I have been making poor choices in order to have control. And, it ain't working for me, dawg.
I've found myself setting up situations, aligning certain things, agreeing to certain things; only to pull a 'Lucy' and snatch the football away at the last second. It's making me physically ill. It's making me crazy. It's making me not like myself too much. And the things I do have control over, I'm ignoring: my writing, my livelihood, my apartment. I really can't live like this. I really shouldn't live like this.
I had 2 conversations today with friends named Steve. Both have no idea what I'm going through. Both said the same things about me, to me. It was so sweet, it made me cry.
I need to get through this...get some questions answered...and snap out of it. Somehow. I don't like this downward spiral; I don't like this person in the downward spiral.