I have a good life. I am blessed in so many ways and thankful in so many more ways.
Lately, however, I've been feeling - for lack of a better term - off. I haven't been able to put my finger on it; haven't been able to fully describe it. Mainly because I just do not know what the heck it is or what the heck is going on.
Last week, I finally said it out loud: I am dissatisfied. OK, great; I'm dissatisfied. Now what? What do I do about it? What will satisfy me? I started writing and journaling again. Writing is such a release for me; and I didn't realize how much I miss those classes with Miss Pamela until I picked up a pen. Journaling is a different thing for me, to me. I don't censor, I don't think. I let whatever may come out come out.
For the past couple of weeks, I have allowed work and things going on at work to affect me. So much so that I've been looking for job opportunities outside of the Company. Yeah, I know. Shocked me, too! A particular line from the Fixx song "Deeper and Deeper" has inexplicably stuck with me - "I see the edge, I look, I fall." It's been on a constant loop in my head since I saw them in Hollywood a few weeks ago. When I think about my job, the loop runs louder and faster. I'm complacent in my role. I'm not chasing a title; I'm chasing change and challenge. I will be interviewing for a couple of positions inside and outside the Company. I see the edge I look I fall...
After coming to terms with my compulsive hoarding, I shifted my focus to cleaning out and clearing out. Somehow, that became too overwhelming; so much so that I actually stopped. I've started with the piles again - magazines here, mail there, random stuff all around. I know this is bigger than me and I can't do it alone. I have to ask for help again. Why is that such a hard thing to do? Well, I gotta get over that - and fast!
Then, I found this: 29-Day Giving Challenge (Thanks to LA Blogger Gal!). I've signed up...and am challenging myself to give somehow, some way every day for 29 days. This will help me with the clearing out - I have purses for @mellerina, shoes for @moneke and clothes to give away. One of the rules states that giving is a ritual of progress, not perfection. I like that. Check it out...challenge yourself to 29 days of giving.
I have really rambled, haven't I? This isn't the blog I had in my head; it's just where I ended up.