Thursday, June 05, 2008

NaBloPoMo ~ Home V

I've been writing this blog for two hours. I've posted 'before' pics, 'after' pics...then deleted them. Not quite ready for that.
These emotions are swirling within - shame, embarrassment, fear, disappointment - and they're so powerful, so overwhelming that I can't feel happy about having a clean apartment. I am so ridiculously grateful to Regi, Annette & Eric for coming and clearing out! And I absolutely love the results. However, these negative emotions connected with the way I was living still swirl and consume me. Like the physical clutter, maybe I want to keep these feelings so I won't go back?
I'm unsure how to handle...I think once my apartment is in complete order how *I* need it to be, maybe these feelings will dissipate. If not, I'll need to find some way to resolve and forgive.
Hmm...forgive...don't know if I can. Or should.

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