Thursday, June 12, 2008

NaBloPoMo ~ Home XII

Home.

First - obviously 'home court advantage' meant nothing as the Lakers lost. UP by 24 at one point. {sigh heavy sigh}

Home.

I am having trouble powering through the overwhelming feelings in order to do what I should. And when this happens, I want to curl up under the covers, avoiding everything. I haven't done that yet. Instead, I've been drinking a lot. A lot more than usual; *my* usual. And, I stay online. Just another avoidance behavior I'm perfecting.

Obviously, I recognize what's going. I'm just not stopping it. So...I'm going to see my therapist on Saturday morning. I haven't seen her in, like, 3 years. When all of this came down, I knew I'd be calling her. Only I thought the call would come after the whole process, in order to help me resolve this inner turmoil.

I'm stressing and not stressing. That's dangerous.

1 comment:

Mélange said...

You're identifying the behaviors and admitting them....that's a HUGE step from where you used to be. Don't get discouraged...just think about things differently.

I used to be a horrible house keeper....i was online 99.9% of the time. So...as I began recognizing the problem, I came up with little "rewards"....instead of leaving the TV on while I "cleaned", I'd put music in instead...THEN, when I was done with what I wanted to do, I would turn on the tube. Instead of sitting down when you get home with your computer....throw a load of laundry in, sort through a stack of whatever...and THEN get online.

You're doing great, babe...don't get discouraged! ::hugs::